


I will survive

by Hugo_falcon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst and Humor, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Ginny Weasley, Bisexual Lavender Brown, Blood Quills (Harry Potter), Book 7: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Care of Magical Creatures, Carrows Reign at Hogwarts, Dark, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Herbology, Herbology (Harry Potter), Hogwarts, Hogwarts Sixth Year, Hufflepuff Reader, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Loss of Parent(s), Love, Magic, Mischief, Muggle Studies, Past Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Rebellion, Unforgivable Curses (Harry Potter)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:55:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 38,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28464924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hugo_falcon/pseuds/Hugo_falcon
Summary: As a fifth year, it had been hard enough to survive when the only real threat to your existence had been your O.W.L's, but now with your former headmaster murdered and his killer having taken his place with the help of a corrupted ministry of magic your life is in more danger than you could've ever imagined. Before the start of your sixth year, you find yourself making a promise to your Nan that no matter the cost you will survive, but survival is costly and as you find yourself being led into the centre of a rebellion you find yourself wondering just what price you'll pay.Surviving in a Hogwarts under the Carrows rule will force you to face; self-doubt, betrayal, the mastering of a new power, a painful past and confront new feelings. Good luck.
Relationships: Ginny Weasley/Reader, Lavender Brown/Parvati Patil, Luna Lovegood & Ginny Weasley, Original Female Character/Original Male Character
Comments: 14
Kudos: 23





	1. A promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The news of your new teachers and headmaster does not sit well with you.

Your feet pad incessantly on the soft, white, woollen rug as you pace back and forth. You flinch at every scrape of the large oak tree against your glass windowpane, every slight creak as the house shifts on its foundations and every slight creak of a floorboard. They are all regular night noises that come from living in an old house, but it didn’t change the sick feeling in the pit of your stomach.

Nearing the base of your bed, you finally sink onto the edge of your bed. You were beyond tired but even trying to let the abyss take you in its sweet arms proved useless. A trembling hand reaches out to pick up the copy of the Daily Prophet that lay beside your pillow, rereading the first page.

** Severus Snape succeeds to the position of Headmaster! **

** Carrow siblings to join. **

_ The Daily Prophet is pleased to announce Severus Snape’s succession to the role of Headmaster! Severus Snape has worked at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry for over a decade and a half, the Daily Prophet can’t think of anyone better to lead Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.  _

_ Recently appointed Minister of Magic, Pius Thicknesse shares this sentiment and wishes Severus Snape well in the upcoming year. Pius has also pushed through Headmaster Snape’s new legislation that no muggle-borns be taught at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, over a dozen have already been expelled. _

_ The Headmaster will be joined by the three siblings of house Carrow: Phaethon, Alecto and Amycus who will be teaching Care of Magical Creatures, Muggle Studies and The Dark Arts respectively. We wish them all a great first day and… _

** … **

You close your eyes, trying to block out the flurry of images that invade your head with no warning. A knock at the door interrupts the spiralling and you watch wearily as the door starts to open only relaxing when you finally manage to place the short stature of the white-haired woman.

“I’m sorry Nan, did I wake you?” You ask, recalling the obnoxious nature of your pacing.

“Don’t you worry pet,” Nan says, softly, taking a seat beside you and hugging you, “Everything OK?”

You leaned into Elise’s embrace, the two of you shared no blood but that didn’t make the slightest bit of difference. You were family, she was your Nan.

“I don’t know how I’m going to survive going back to school,” You whisper.

“I know. I wish you were the kind of person I could convince to stay home,” Your Nan sighs.

“I’m sorry, I just-” You start but she cuts you off firmly but gently.

“I know,” Your Nan tells you softly, “In some ways, I’m more proud of you then I’ve ever been before but I’m also completely terrified,”

“I’ll do whatever it takes to stay safe,” You promise, but your Nan shakes her head.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Just promise… promise you’ll come home to me alive,” Your Nan begs, “Do whatever it takes to avoid getting hurt, just… please,”

“I’ll try, I mean… what else can I do? I’m not brave like you and Dad,” You tell her but your Nan shakes her head.

“You’re a lot stronger than you realise,” Your Nan tells you, and smile at her lie even though she’s not fooling anyone. When the Carrow’s start causing trouble you’ll hide, that’s what you’ve always done after all. Your Nan stands, making her way out of the room only to pause in the doorway.

“We should prank your dad tomorrow,” Your Nan tells you, a mischievous twinkle in her eyes as she starts scheming, “It’s been too long since the last time,”

You smile, leaning back against your pillow, your mind coming up schemes of your own until finally, you fade into the land of dreams.

****************************

“Are we out of eggs? I swear there were at least two left,” Your dad asks, holding up the carton of eggs, you glance at the carton to find that it’s empty and then shrug nonchalantly.

“Yeah, we seem to be, Gran must have taken them for breakfast,” You say with a shrug, before heading to the toaster pretending to occupy yourself with making toast while in reality keeping your eyes on your dad anticipation bubbling in your veins. Your dad shrugs, busying himself with preparing himself a bowl of cereal.

“Why is there an egg in this bowl?” Your dad asks, opening the cupboard to the cereal without looking. SMASH! Your dad jumps back alarmed, finding the splattered second egg all over the counter. You blink, surprised that your Gran hid her egg there. Your dad looks at you, calculatingly, and then he seems to reach a conclusion.

“Mother!” Your dad yells, and your grandma bustles into the room, taking one look at the splattered egg before bursting into a fit of uncontrollable laughter.

“I take it you're responsible for this,” Your dad says, trying to command some authority only to be ultimately undermined by the fact that bits of the yellow yolk are slowly making their way down his face and dripping onto the linoleum,

“Nope!” Your grandma chimes, popping the ‘p’ and cackling.

“Then… Y/N?” Your dad questions, turning to you.

“It was the ghost,” Your gran interrupts, and your dad pauses, yolk dripping into his greying moustache.

“Mother… we don’t have a ghost,” Your dad says, squeezing the bridge of his nose as she grabs a slice of toast from you and then bustles out of the room.

“What’s your excuse,” Your dad sighs.

“It was the ghost, the wise woman always knows small,” You tell him. Small was an ironic nickname for the man who towered over you. Your dad shakes his head with a sigh as you disappear out of the room, chuckling at the look from your gran, your chest feels lighter until you get into your room and see the article still on your bed and know that tomorrow you’ll be at Hogwarts and that you’ll have to deal with the Carrows and your new ‘headmaster’.

************************

Smoke converges on the station, temporarily obscuring your view as the Hogwarts Express pulls into the station, the red and black exterior gleaming as it makes its first trip of the school season. Around you, the excited voices of first years rise as one unbreakable chorus that almost makes you smile into you find yourself thinking that they have no idea what they’re getting into.

“You’re going to be OK, big,” Your dad assures you, wrapping his arms around you tightly.

“Crushing me,” You groan.

“Any trouble and I’ll fetch my handbag,” Your Nan promises, “It’s always an old woman with her handbag who saves the day in the end,”

“What possible good could your handbag do?” Your dad asks - he still hasn’t let go of you but he suddenly releases you, rubbing the back of his head with a pained expression.

“See, works already,” Your Nan cackles and your dad shakes his head.

“Batty old lady,” Your dad mutters under his breath, before turning to face you, “Better get going, your friends will be waiting,”

You hug your family quickly, before running towards the train, looking for two familiar ponytail - one long and dark-brown and the other dirty-blonde. You finally find Sam inside the third carriage on the train, her brown ponytail hanging loosely while she reads. You drop into place beside her, frowning when you realise Leon hasn’t arrived yet.

“What are you reading?” You ask, somehow it feels wrong to act like everything’s still the same but what else are you supposed to say ‘how do you feel about being taught by murders?’.

“The one you recommended, The Ho-bit,” Sam answers, and you pause trying to comprehend this.

“Sam… Hobbit,” You correct and Sam stops reading, looking at you speculative.

“That’s what I said… Ho-bit,” Sam repeats, you bite your lip to keep from laughing as the compartment door slides open and your favourite Slytherin walks in, broadly chested, tall and muscular as ever.

“Leon, Ho-bit or Hobbit-?” You start to ask but trail off.

“Hobbit, obviously, where the hell did Ho-bit come from?” Leon asks, throwing Sam a sidelong look but you no longer care because the place Leon’s ponytail should be is empty.

“It’s gone!” Sam yelps, standing and running her fingers through Leon’s hair, aghast at how short it is.

“I had to get it cut, it draws too much attention,” Leon tells you, a grim expression on his face before pushing Sam away. Leon takes a seat, but the sombre mood hands heavy in the air.

“So… Ho-bit?” Leon mocks, “OW!”

Sam smiles smugly, settling back into her chair while Leon rubs his shoulder warily. He leans forward suddenly to stomp on her toe. Sam growls, lifting her book threateningly and Leon sticks his tongue out, daring her to try it.

“Yeah, yeah, you both adore each other. Can you quit flirting now?” You ask, smirking at the red blush that envelops both of their faces. Sam ducks behind her book quickly, while Leon stares resolutely out of the window - seriously, they were both so damn oblivious.

“How was your Summer? Any new sketches?” Leon asks after a moment, he doesn’t wait for your answer, already summoning your sketch-pad although he does pause to check for permission. 

There’s a newly painted picture of the cliffs near your home, lavender cracks through the rock face, the sunset descends, birds taking off in flight, it was beautiful. Your painting could only ever hope to capture a hint of the beauty. When Leon opens it to that page, a look of peace starts to descend on him.

“It’s beautiful,” Leon whispers, Sam sets her book aside to take a look over his shoulder and from her face, you know that she agrees. Your cheeks burn, and you draw your knees to your face to hide your face. Leon turns the next page and promptly burst out laughing, you feel your nerves fraying until you remember what you’d drawn on the next page.

“OK, what did your nan do this time?” Leon asks, and you launch into the story, Leon hanging onto every word with a great deal of delight as you relay the story of the eggs. Your friends burst out laughing, and then Sam shakes her head.

“Remind me why your nan does this?” Sam asks, snorting with laughter.

“Because she’s evil,” You joke and Leon’s grin widens.

“Oh I know, I love it,” Leon tells you, a grin threatening to split his face in two.

“Note to self: Do not let Leon and Gran interact too much or else they will blow up the world,” You jest and Leon pouts.

“Aw… please? We’d build you a bunker so you’d stay safe,” Leon offers and you shake your head as Sam’s body shakes with suppressed laughter.

“What about me doofus?” Sam asks and Leon smirks.

“You can break the world with me,” Leon offers.

“Be his Queen of Darkness,” You add.

“Thanks, but I don’t need a prince hanging around me all the time,” Sam jokes.

“Ha! As if, I’m much more likely to be the God of a broken world than a-” Leon starts but cuts himself off. The laughter fades away suddenly as reality presses down on the shoulders of you and your friends. A heaviness settles into you all again.

“Learn any new songs?” Sam asks, changing the subject and Leon grins.

The rest of the way to Hogwarts is filled with Sam and Leon having a singing competition with you becoming the judge. Leon wins the most often - even Sam would agree he had the better voice - but sometimes Sam beats him (she had the most skill with charms and could make the sounds of piano chords and drum beats with just her wand). You smile, drawing while listening, and by the time you’ve arrived you’ve almost forgotten what awaits you at Hogwarts.

Almost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Please, leave a comment or a kudos. The next update will be soon.


	2. Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hogwarts is different to how you remember it. It's changed so much.

Students become quieter and quieter as they dutifully file into Hogwarts until it cuts off so completely that every footstep echoes. No one wants to draw attention to themselves. No one knows what to expect, everything is different; even the walls of Hogwarts that once seemed to offer safety from the outside world now seem like Azkaban’s dementors.

Leon drops your hand, separating himself from you in time to join the other sixth-year Slytherin's. Sam’s grip on your other hand tightens as you raise your eyes to the high table - Dumbledore’s murderer sits, on a throne, eyes seeming to stare through the assembling students.

Your eyes slide past him, to where the Carrow twins sit. Their eyes are dark, like an inescapable void, their noses turned upright in a permanent expression of disgust, and both keep their hair short - Alecto’s in a bun while Amycus is cut close to his skull. Further down, where Hagrid once sat, Phaethon Carrow stares disinterestedly into his goblet, his hair tied back in a long dirty ponytail tied back by an elastic band. Seeming to sense your eyes on him, he looks up, and you feel for sure you would’ve been trapped in his cold gaze if it hadn’t been for Sam.

  
Grabbing your sleeve, Sam drags you into a seat as far from the head table as possible. Nothing’s said throughout the whole of the Great Hall, but the silence is deafening. When has a Hufflepuff not greeted a friend? A Ravenclaw not searched for an intellectual conversation? A Gryffindor not bragged? A Slytherin not hinted that they know something the others don’t?

Nobody speaks, most can’t even look away from the table. You can feel eyes burning into you, but you don’t dare to look up.

Sudden footsteps in the hall outside make you flinch, sending a jolt of pain through your knee when it makes contact with the heavy stone table. Out of the corner of your eye, you see you aren’t the only one.

First years file into the room, completely oblivious. Their voices carry throughout the room, a young blonde girl smiles hopefully at you when she catches your eye but your expression makes the bright beam disappear.

“Eyes to the front,” A cold, quiet voice calls out. Shaking students unwillingly tear their eyes from empty plates to the sneering, sinister figure of the ‘Headmaster’ as the sorting ceremony commences.

  
“Allen, Julia,” Professor McGonagall calls out and you credit the woman for not having even the barest hint of a tremor in her voice. The blonde-haired girl who smiled at you makes her way to the front, the sorting hat resting on her head for less than a minute before announcing she was a Hufflepuff. For the first time in Hogwarts History, no one clapped, no one cheered, complete silence followed the girl as she made her way to the table.

Everything was wrong. It was all wrong.

Professor McGonagall waits almost a full minute for a celebration that never comes before calling the next name. The silence persisted throughout the whole sorting, and then Snape stands and for a moment he’s silent, seeming to reveal in the looks from the terrified students before him.

Finally, almost bored, he says, “Eat,”.

Food appears, but no one eats. Finally, someone cracks piles their plate with food and triggered a chain reaction through the hall. Sam piles food onto your plate when you still don't move and pushes it at you.

“Eat,” Sam orders, mimicking Snape’s voice with a snort. You still can’t move, and Sam groans, “Don’t tell me I’ll have to spoon-feed you,”

“I’m not hungry,” You whisper, but you reach out to pick up your fork anyway. Sam’s hand suddenly intercepts, pinching your fork from the table and holding it just out of range, “Hey! Give that back!”

Sam smirks, twirling the fork in the air, “I don’t give a fork,”

  
Slowly, but surely, a smile splits across your too serious faces and then you’re both giggling, head on each other's shoulder, fighting to regain control and stay quiet before someone notices. An unfamiliar giggle comes across from you, and Sam turns her head to see the girl from before.

“Julia, right?” Sam asks and the girl nods, a dimpled smile on her face.

“Yep!” Julia says with a grin, and then frowns, “Can I ask you something?”

“You just did,” Sam jests, “But go on,”

“I made a friend on the train, a muggle-born, he seemed nice. I was just wondering, are muggle-borns given a different induction to the world of magic?” Julia asks, both yours and Sam’s faces pale.

“Is he not in the Hall?” You ask, praying that the girl would point him out but Julia shakes her head.

“I didn’t hear his name called, someone came on the train and told him he needed to come with them,” Julia explains, “I thought he’d be here…”

“I don’t know what’s happened, but I wouldn’t ask again,” Sam advises, unable to look up from her plate. You take your fork, spearing a carrot while silently beginning it not to be true. Not even the Carrows…

“Something’s happened, hasn’t it?” Julia asks, and Sam can’t meet her gaze, just nods gravely.  


“Eyes to the front, while Ms Carrow announces a few changes” Snape’s cold voice echoes when dinner is finally over, most plates have barely been touched by students. Snape waves his hand towards the Carrow twins, and Alecto Carrow stands. She’s shorter than you remember but still manages to tower over the whole of the Great Hall.

"I must inform you that Muggle Studies is now mandatory, as is the Dark Arts which my brother Amycus shall be teaching. Care of Magical Creatures will remain optional, but will now be taught by my brother Phaethon,” Alecto announces to the Great Hall.

“What about Hagrid?” A masculine voice with an Irish accent calls out and everyone turns to stare at the sandy-haired seventh year, not sure if the Gryfindor was brave or just stupid.

“Ah, Mr Finnigan, I thought you’d be smart enough to not speak out of turn but it seems I have misjudged you. Consider this a warning: you would be wise to avoid confrontation this year Mr Finnigan,” Snape drawls, barely looking at the seventh year, but he doesn’t need to, the threat is in every syllable of his voice.

“The Half-breed had been banned from the castle and demoted to gamekeeper,” Alecto answers and outraged whispers break out amongst the hall. Beneath the table, your fist clenches at the slur, you’d elected to continue Care of Magical Creatures unlike many of your classmates, and you’d always liked Hagrid.

“SI-LAAAAAAAAAAAANCE!” Amycus Carrow screams, smacking his fist against the table, rage pouring out of him like a wave that sent shivers down everyone's spine. The Hall goes silent, no one daring to move, not sure just how far Amyus would go.

“That wasn’t so hard, WAS IT? Mr FINNIGAN since you’re the root of this disruption you can come and demonstrate our new detention methods. DOES ANYONE care TO JOIN HIM?” Amycus yells, and nobody says a word. He stares hard at the boy, beckoning him to his feet.

  
Slowly, Finnigan makes his way from the Gryffindor table and stands before the High table.

“For a missed homework or general disruption, students must either write out the homework or write lines using this special quill,” Amycus says, holding it up - as far as you could see, it was just a regular quill. Amycus hands the quill to Finnigan, "Demonstrate,"

“There’s no ink,” Finnigan says, and Amycus smirks.

“You won’t need ink. Now, I would like you to write your full name,” Amycus tells him, a smirk on his face. Hesitantly, Finnigan places the quill to the paper and starts to write. A sudden grunt of pain reaches the crowd's ears, and whispers break out.

“This is a blood quill. It writes with your blood, and may eventually scar,” Amycus tells you all, a pleased expression on his face.

  
“For disrespecting your teachers, backchat, fighting, breaking curfew or stealing, you will be forced to help either myself or my brother with our lessons. I shall give a demonstration of what that looks like in my dark arts lesson,” Amycus continues and then he moves so quickly that no one has time to mentally prepare themselves, “CRUCIO!”

You’re forced to watch as Finnigan withers in pain on the hall floor. He shrieks, screams and even when Amycus has finished with the spell, the boy still lays there for a moment, shaking.

  
“But, if you do something that endangers your school or classmates, then it won’t just be a single hour of detention. No, you will be staying overnight in the dungeons for anywhere between two days and two weeks,” Amycus smirks, “Best be on your best behaviour, hmm?”

“Students, to bed,” Snape orders after a few moments of stunned silence. Shaking, the prefects prepare to lead the first years to their new common rooms.

  
Sam holds onto your arm as you follow Sophia Dames, the Hufflepuff prefect and your classmate to outside the Hufflepuff Common Room. She taps on the middle barrow in the stack near the kitchens to the tune of Helga Hufflepuff and suddenly a section of the wall that had looked perfectly solid crumbles and Sophia leads you through the earthy tunnel until you arrive in the Hufflepuff common room.

Gasps of surprised delight escape the assembled first years as they drank in their common room. Plants grew wildly from cracks in the walls, a mix of muggle plants (like lavender, violets, foxgloves and ivy) but also wizard plants (like knotgrass and fluxweed). In a stone alcove, the venomous tentacula wags a branch, excited that the Hufflepuff students were back and dutifully older students made their way over to the plant and stroked its bark.

In the centre of the room, the comfiest sofas you’ve ever known beckon to you. Fresh baked goods sit near windows and the tantalising smells of the food from the kitchen still lingers in the air.

Against a wall, are bookcases and cabinets. The bookcases are mostly filled with books full of fictional characters, literature by muggle and wizarding authors alike, while the cabinets are filled with board games. It’s never been clear if older students left these things for the younger students or if it was Helga Hufflepuff herself. Around the room, students are already setting up games of gobstones while others take to chess, cards or even monopoly.

Someone fiddles with the radio and then sets out the list beside it - every student in Hufflepuff could choose at least one song to hear. Earmuffs lay around the room for students who might otherwise find themselves overwhelmed by the level of noise, they were also enchanted so that if a student wanted to hear their friends speak but not hear the music or background noises they could do so.

Behind the last Hufflepuff, come a stream of students from other houses and Hufflepuff’s call out to claim their friends from Slytherin, Ravenclaw and Gryffindor.

When you first started school here you hadn’t understood why the common room was so humongous until forty or fifty students came to hang out, but year by year the numbers have dwindled as house rivalries were renewed. 

  
Leon drops into place beside you, a frown on his face. You look at him expectantly as he organises his thoughts and then he pulls out a piece of paper and a pencil.

“Do you notice anything strange?” Leon asks, looking around the common room.

“There are so few people…” You whisper back - the common room had around one hundred people in total and Leon snorts slightly at your definition of ‘few’ but then he sighs.

“Yeah, I heard a lot of Slytherin’s saying that to avoid any danger this year they were either going to be subtly friends with people from other houses or just completely drop their friends,” Leon tells you, “But it’s more than that, look around you, who’s missing?”

“People are dropping their friend?” You ask, your hand reflectively gripping Leon’s as you stare at the faces around the common room.

“Not me,” Leon promises, “You need me, I’ve seen you try to cast spells,”

Your face flushed at Leon’s mention of how you’d had to drop most of the classes that focused on casting spells, but then you find what was missing.

“Where’s Elizabeth Green? Where’s Nathan Alexander? James Hamilton?” You ask they were missing. They should’ve been there. You see Leon jot the names down, his face unsmiling.

“We’re missing James Dalton from our year,” Leon tells you and you frown.

“Aren’t they all-” You start but Leon cuts you off.

“Muggle-borns,” Leon answers.

“It’s more than that, the first year muggleborns were all separated from the main group and taken away,” Sam adds, a hard but edge to her voice. For a moment, you three stay in silence.

“We won’t be the only ones who noticed. What happens when they put together the fact that Y/N’s here?” Leon asks - in school, assumed you were a muggleborn because of your last name, and you hadn’t bothered to correct them about you lineage preferring that narrative to the true one.

“We go on pretending. Or we could say she’s a half-blood,” Sam offers, “Just say she didn’t know it,”

“Good idea,” Leon agrees, you give a small cough and they both look over to you having forgotten that you were still there.

“Most likely, they won’t notice at all. I don’t draw attention to myself after all,” You tell them and they both glance across at each other, seeming to have a secret conversation you weren’t privy to.

“I’d agree if it wasn’t for-” Sam starts but Leon cuts in.

“Harper,” Leon hisses. You let out a small sigh, not wanting to think about Harper Goyle, the reserve seeker for Slytherin who had a vendetta against you for reasons you didn’t fully understand.

“Let’s not think about it,” You suggest, and your group falls silent for a while.

  
“I still can’t believe what they did to Seamus, they used an unforgivable… on a student…” Sam blanched, and you closed your eyes. Seamus Finnigan. Tortured.

“They want to scare us into obedience,” Leon exhales.

“It’s working,” You tell them, just how far would they go? How far could they go?

“At least… at least we know. I just can’t believe the ministry authorised it,” Sam says, voice shaking.

“The ministry of magic is in, you-know-who’s hands and so’s the minister,” Leon says suddenly, his voice shaking.

“How do you know?” Sam asks, and a pained expression falls over his face.

“Because… he’s my uncle, Pius Thicknesse. He’s changed, he never would’ve allowed this. He cared about the rules, used to say ‘my job is to keep people safe’. I think it was to do with his wife, she died, an accident caused by dragon smugglers. I think that’s why he cared so much,” Leon says, voice shaking, “And then… When I saw him again over the Summer, he was completely different. Using slurs, ranting, raving, preaching blood supremacy… I think he’s under the Imperius curse,”

Nobody says anything, Leon looks like he’s near the edge of tears. Wordlessly, Sam leans into him, resting her head on his shoulder. You stay that way while Hufflepuffs busy themselves finding blankets and pillows for their friends who wouldn’t be able to beat curfew to get back to their common rooms, and then you stand, separating painfully.

  
The next day comes far too quickly, and even though your sleepiness is causing both you and Sam to run late when you make your way down to the common room most Hufflepuff’s still linger in the common room. You know that no one wants to be in the Great Hall under the cold stares from the High table.

Leon’s already in the Great Hall when you enter, he meets your eyes and then goes back to his porridge bowl, trying to keep himself from the Carrow’s eyes.

“Ah! Girls, I have your schedules!” Professor Sprout announces so suddenly that both you and Sam jump before accepting the timetable with a grim smile.

“Thank you,” Both of you say before making your way to the table. The Great Hall’s still so empty, and you feel the weight bearing down on you.

“What do you have today?” Sam asks, an edge in her voice.

“Herbology, Potions, Ancient Runes… dark arts and care of magical creatures,” You answer, your good morning soured by your awful afternoon. You push on, trying to pretend like everything’s OK, “You?”

“Same, except for double transfigurations,” Sam tells you, “And a free period where you have ancient runes,”

You both slip into silence and focus on eating so you can get out of here.

  
Do you know the moment when you wish for time to go slowly? Time always seems to disappoint you, speeding up impossibly until whatever you’re dreading comes. Herbology, Potions, Ancient Runes and Lunch pass by n a blur until suddenly the afternoon is upon you and you find yourself taking small shaking footsteps to Dark Arts.

Your class is gathered outside the door, all four houses are there and yet it looks no larger than when you did defence against the dark arts the year prior. You’ve seen it all morning, the holes in your classes, so many students are just… gone.

“Form a straight line,” Amycus orders, he watches the class with a sick glee, prowling like a predator choosing his prey, his grin deepening when he sees specific students before his eyes reached you

“You, Y/L/N, to the front,” Amycus Carrow orders, pointing a long, scarred finger at you. Swallowing slightly, you do as he orders, and go wait by the door. He looks at you for a moment and then shakes his had.

“Don’t just stand there, LEAD IN Y/L/N! LEAD IN!” Amycus orders. You quickly throw open the door and step into the room, immediately feeling sick when you do.

  
There were no chairs or desks in Amycus’ Carrow’s classroom, and the room felt cold. He’d done something to the windows, and cold was all that was left in its place. The most disturbing thing about the room was the bloodied, chained up figure at the opposite side of the room.

“Seamus!” A feminine voice yells, shocked. The dirty-blonde lifts his head, revealing a puffy face with deep slashes across it. Outraged noises make their way through the class and Amycus smirks.

“What did you do to him?” The girl growls, anger coursing through every syllable of her voice as she shoves herself to the front, and now you could see her. Ginny Weasley.

“Ah, Miss Weasley, isn’t it? I was warned about you; a blood traitor, a muggle lover, darling to undesirable number one, sister to his accomplice but otherwise unremarkable about you. Just a plain, poor, little girl, I bet Mr Potter’s glad to be away from you,” Amycus insults, Ginny’s hand twitches, and you see her wand fall into her hand.

“This isn’t good,” You murmur, Ginny looked like she was about to go up against Amycus but doing so would only put her in danger. Leon nods, shifting forwards slightly as though he was going to do something to help her only for Sam to wrap an arm around his bicep forcing him to stay still.

“Let him go!” Ginny yells, pulling her wand on Amycus when he simply refuses.

“I dare you to try it,” Amycus smiles, before a lecherous expression takes over his face “By the way, how’s that brother of yours? Didn’t he get married recently, heard you looked nice in that blue dress. Oh! And that cake, it was simply to die for,”

Outrage takes over, and Ginny fires off a spell so quickly that you know that most of the class think that Ginny’s got him, but Amycus simply deflects it towards Seamus who screams in pain and all anyone can do in watch as horror as a large black bat pushes its way out of his nostril. Amycus laughs as the boy screams in pain.

“Awfully dark for one of Dumbledumb’s holy Weasley clan,” Amycus taunts, “But hardly surprising after what my good friend Lucius told me,”

Ginny moves as if to cast again, but someone grabs her and hauls her back into the cluster. Nails rip down the sides of Leon’s arms but he holds onto her tightly, squeezing until finally, the fight goes out of her.

“It won’t work,” Leon whispers, “It won’t work,”

  
“You’re a smart boy, Slytherin, last name?” Amycus Carrow asks, and Leon looks like he might vomit with disgust but he still forces his name out through gritted teeth.

“Leon Draconis, sir,” Leon answers.

“Excellent, now then, I trust there will be no more… interruptions this lesson,” Amycus challenges, “Only I assure you that it would become most unpleasant for Mr Finnigan if this were to continue,”

The class is silent and Amycus smiles.

“Excellent, now then, we will be practising slicing hexes today…”

  
An hour later, the class files out, pale-faced and quilty looking. Amycus had got you to practice slicing hexes on Seamus and the only person who’d managed to stand up was Ginny Weasley who ended up taking a cruciatus curse for her trouble.

Leon, Sam and you look at each other once trying to find the words to take away the pain but there’s nothing that can be said, after a few seconds, you all turn your separate ways and head to your lessons.

  
You cross the grounds of Hogwarts, making your way to the outskirts of the forbidden forest. Only three other people took Care of Magical Creatures; Ginny Weasley, Luna Lovegood and Illiah Black. One from each house.

You nod to them when you arrive but can’t bring yourself to say anything.

“Weasley, Lovegood, Black, Y/L/N,” Phaethon Carrow lists, “Follow me, and stay close, we’re going into the forest,”

You all follow the man in silence.

Luna’s arm wraps around Ginny as she walks, they move slowly but determinedly with Ginny trying to hide her grimace with every step. Phaethon Carrow walks ahead, Harper Black attempting to engage in conversation with the man, only for him to seem entirely uninterested. After a few moments, he shakes his head in annoyance.

“Black, shut up. Weasley, Lovegood, hurry your traitorous asses up and Y/L/N… Why the hell are you so tiny? Get in front before you’re carried away by a bird or something,” Phaethon scoffs, and reluctantly, you pick up the pace until you’re in front of the man. You continue walking in silence until Phaethon orders you all to stop.

  
“Do you see the white circle?” Phaethon asks, there’s complete silence and Phaethon shakes his head, “Somebody hurry up and answer me,”

“I see it, sir,” Illiah answers and Phaethon gives her a hard look.

“Then go and stand in it,” Phaethon orders, but the girl freezes, “Hurry. Up,”

“You’ll be OK,” You whisper to her, and Illiah takes in the serious set of your face before making her way to the centre of the white circle. The moment she crosses the line, she disappears from view.

“What did you do to her?” Ginny demands, angrily.

“Cool it lion cub,” Phaethon spits, “Nothing’s happened. Miss Y/L/N, maybe you have the intelligence this idiot doesn’t,”

“I-It’s a hide. Wixes use it to conceal themselves from view and cut off sound transmissions. It fools most creatures,” You answer, staring at the ground.

“Be proud, you’re not as dumb as you look,” Phaethon says, “Everyone in the circle,”

You all follow the man into the hide and Phaethon orders you to take a seat on the ground.

  
“We’ll be testing your knowledge today. For every creature that you see, you will name, characterise and then draw it,” Phaethon explains, “I suspect your previous level of tutelage to be somewhat… lacking,”

“That’s-” Ginny starts to protest but Phaethon raises an eyebrow.

“In your first year, your former teacher was in Azkaban. In your second year, a Hippogriff attacked a student in his class. In your third year, he forced you to observe blast-ended skrewts. This class has the lowest student intake, are you really questioning my assessment?” Phaethon Carrow challenges.

“He’s a good man,” Ginny finally whispers, Phaethon doesn’t bother to answer that.

  
Wednesday morning brings your first muggle studies lesson.

“Muggles are directly related to apes,” Alecto Carrow tells your class as she paces back and forth, “Their intelligence is sub-par which is why they are incapable of magic. Wizards, however, evolved from muggles. We are the evolutionary superiors,”

The class is silent. An empty seat indicated where Ginny should be, but she was put in detention for trying to break Neville Longbottom out of the dungeons after she found out he was given detention.

“At first, we managed to coincide, but muggles are greedy. They demanded wixes help them live their mundane lives. At first, wixes tried to help but the more the problems changed the less the wixes could help. Then came a plague where wixes could only watch as muggles were killed. When it eventually died out, muggles turned to blaming wixes and either drove them out or lynched, burned or drown those suspected of magic. No one was exempt, including children. THEY KILLED CHILDREN FOR HAVING MAGIC!” Alecto Carrow screams.

The class flinches, but deep anger at the hypocrisy suddenly rips through you.

“That’s why the dark lord’s doing this. He will fix the world, so the horrors of the muggle world will no longer be forced upon you. Wixes will reclaim their place on the top of the food chain and-” Alecto starts to promise but you cut her off.

“You killed children for having magic. Where are the muggleborn first years? WHERE ARE OUR CLASSMATES!” You yell, for a moment, you didn’t realise you’d spoken aloud until Alecto’s face turns a dark red colour.

“Shut it, mudblood!” Harper Goyle yells.

“Mudblood?” Alecto asks, eyes levelling on you, “Pray do tell,”

“Sorry ma’am,” Harper says, suddenly looking terrified but Alecto shakes her head.

“It’s perfectly OK, but please, explain,” Alecto says, her tone softening when talking to Harper.

“Y/L/N's not a wixing name,” Harper explains.

“I know, but in some cases where parents are killed when living amongst muggles mistakes can happen,” Alecto sighs, “Now, mudblood, report to detention,”

You stand, feeling sick as you make your way to the door.

“If Voldermort’s doing it for the children, why did he kill Cedric Diggory?” Luna Lovegood asks, and you hear several people flinch.

“The dark lord deeply regrets that unfortunate accident,” Alecto answers.

“Are you saying Cedric Diggory was collateral damage?” Luna Lovegood pushes.

“YES.” Alecto agrees.

“But it was deliberate,” Luna says.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, now shut up, or you’ll have to follow Y/L/N,” Alecto tells her.

“But-” Luna starts.

“THAT’S IT! OUT!” Alecto roars and Luna stands, peacefully gliding towards the door.

“Shall we go?” Luna asks, calmly and wordlessly, you are not entirely sure what just happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a kudos or a comment to let me know how I'm doing.
> 
> :)


	3. Hufflepuff's are good finders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exactly a week after you were given a detention, writing appears on the wall of moaning myrtle's bathroom.

_ Dumbledore’s Army, recruiting now! Death-Eaters beware! _

_ You’re next Carrows. _

It was Wednesday evening, last week you’d found yourself trapped in detention for a full day before Amycus had let you out - apparently, what you and Luna had said counted as endangering the school and warranted being held in the dungeon the whole night and being used as a target for the remainder of the day. But it was over, for now at least. It was over, and now you stood staring at the wall of Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom with a scene reminiscent of the year when the chamber of secrets was opened, but thankfully nothing hung from the brazier. Students were talking loudly and excitedly around you, but Leon’s expression was cold as he looked over the scene.

“This won’t end well,” Leon mutters, quietly so as not to draw attention to your group.

“The Carrow’s will be looking for someone to blame,” You agree.

“Then we need to get out of here,” Sam prompts, grabbing yours and Leon’s arms so you won’t be separated and pulling you through the crowd. 

Phaethon Carrow is at the bottom of the stairs when you get down, and for a moment the three of you hold your breaths, but he races past you and towards the source of the commotion without seeming aware that you were ever there. You hear yells, screams and spells being cast that make your group stop, breaths shaking with fear for your schoolmates but after a second Leon drags you onwards.

“We have to help,” Sam insists, resisting. You find yourself pulling back with her, but Leon turns around and looks you both in the eyes, a helpless, hopelessness in them.

“What are we supposed to do? Do you think that everyone will band together to fight them if we throw the first spell? Do you think that us three alone can stand against them? Because we can’t. Y/N can’t cast for shit, and neither of us is good enough to try taking on two at once. Then what happens once we fail? Punishment’s get tougher, and we’re made examples. But what if by some miracle we win? Do you think we’ll get to keep Hogwarts? No. What’ll happen is more death-eaters will infiltrate the school and then what? We’re made an example of. We have to go,” Leon argues, and you feel the sting of his words, but you and Sam follow him, taking back passageways and hiding low in the shadows at the sound of footsteps until you arrive in a long-ago abandoned classroom on the second floor - they do say Hufflepuff’s are good finders.

Leon barricades the door, although you doubt that there’s much point since you suspect the Carrow’s are elsewhere raising havoc and causing pain to their suspects. Idly, your mind wonders if they’re using the Cruciartious curse to extract confessions and then find that you don’t doubt for one second that they are and feel a wave of nausea.

“Who do you think wrote it?” Sam asks, she’s pacing the room while Leon seems to be standing guard at the door, he keeps low to the ground, hiding from any who might look in.

“I don’t know, but I wish they’d thought about what the Carrow’s would do in response,” You sigh and then find that Sam’s looking at you oddly, you glance away self-consciously.

“It’s obvious, isn’t it? Ginny Weasley, the lioness misses her lion and is going to drag the school through hell to prove herself,” Leon answers cynically.

“I don’t know, I think it was brave, whoever it was, and if it’s real… If someone’s really recruiting…” Sam trails off, her eyes seeming to sign with hope.

“Then the instigators will be punished and sold out by whoever is scared enough to need to hide. It wasn’t brave, it was stupid,” Leon repeats cynically, “A total Gryfindoor move,”

“Maybe, but it was also sneaky, stealthy. That message wasn’t there this morning, whoever managed to do that without detection… They’ve got some skill,” You say, a smile on your face.

“Or luck,” Leon suggests, still cynically.

“Come on, aren’t you even slightly impressed?” Sam asks and Leon smiles faintly.

“A little,” He agrees, before the sounds of screaming reach your ears. Both feminine and masculine, four distinct voices. No one says a word, or looks at each other, the simple fact remains ingrained in your mind. Your classmates were being tortured, and despite everything in you that screamed at you to go and help them you all stay silent and frozen.

Thursday morning comes too soon and with it yet another Dark Arts lesson. You know that whoever you find in the classroom will be whoever the screams belong to. Across the room, you see four figures chained up; Ginny Weasley, Luna Lovegood, Seamus Finnigan and Neville Longbottom, above their heads plaques, have been nailed that read:  _ for endangering the school, these people will have detention for one week. _

You look at them in silence, Leon and Sam standing close beside you. Inside your head, over and over your whispering;  _ I could’ve helped you, I could’ve helped you, I should’ve helped you.  _ Sam holds Leon’s hand tightly but when Leon extends his hand to you, you find yourself shaking your head.

“Today we have a practical lesson, which I’m sure will come as a treat for some of you. I want you all to try and cast the non-verbal burning spell we’ve been working on,” Amycus says, a deranged smile on his face, “Points will be awarded for the spell with the most power, shall we say that the best spell gets… fifty points?”

You feel sick when you see a look on some of your classmate's faces that suggests they are only too willing. You suddenly wish you were against the wall so you could rest against something solid, but there’s nothing.

“Harper, you’re up first,” Amycus says, you watch Harper’s face which seems at first almost gleeful before falling flat and empty when he really takes in the situation. He struggles to pick a target, first aiming at Ginny, then Luna, Neville and finally seeming to settle on Seamus. You watch him take a deep breath, mouthing the incantation before closing his mouth and reciting his spell inside his head.

A plume of orange flames shoot forth from his wand and burn Seamus’ ear, they go out almost as soon as they touch the boy and Seamus’ ear seems to take no damage at all. Harper growls, moving as if to try and cast again only for him to be yelled back into line by Amycus, who verbally berates him for a few seconds before calling on Leon to try.

With firm steps, Leon moves forwards, you know he won’t enjoy this but his face is completely blank as he stands before Ginny Weasley. He takes his wand and casts, and his spell comes out a dark blue colour that stays burning for a second before being put out. You feel sick when you see the blistered skin, but not as sick as Leon looks. To your surprise, Ginny doesn’t scream aloud, but you see her clench her jaw as though keeping in a scream which you think is meant to irritate Amycus.

Slowly, one by one, your classmates are called forth. Some try for it, some don’t try but accidentally cast damaging spells anyway and some can barely cast the spell at all. Sam manages but looks like she’s going to cry when she hits the side of Luna Lovegood’s neck.

Then you’re being called on, forced to take your place before someone and cast.

“Choose me,” Ginny calls out, and you look at her feeling sick. You know right away when you see it in her eyes, everyone in your group has had that look at least once before, the look that says take me not my friends. Normally, it’s just when you take the detention for talking in class when it was Sam or the detention for throwing something in frustration when it was Leon, or when they take the blame for cartoonish drawings ridiculing teachers that are accidentally left behind or seized.

You take a deep breath, and say the incantation inside your head, your hand shaking as you cast it. You’re expecting it to come out as an orange colour or not come out at all but instead, it comes out a pale blue that sticks to Ginny’s cheek and stays lit long enough that Sam has time to cast an aqueous charm to put it out. Ginny’s screaming even after the spells put out, the skin around her face seems to be melting, you don’t know what’s being said, only that you find yourself yanking at the chains desperately until they’re finally undone and you’re lifting Ginny and running with her towards the Hospital Wing high on adrenaline and nothing else.

Madame Pomfrey is on you in seconds, casting spells that manage to rectify the damage. You only become aware that you’re saying anything when Ginny Weasley reaches up and slams her hand over your mouth. You look into her brown eyes, searching for resentment, anger, but there’s none. More people bustle into the hospital wing, Neville, Luna and Seamus.

“There’s nothing more I can do for her cheek. Beside you is burn paste, you’ll need to put it on the other burns,” Madame Pomfrey orders, and you turn your head to find that there’s a wire basket with several bottles and jars in, each with very clear precise labels. You find yourself glancing around to find the hospital wing’s far busier than you’ve ever seen it before. You reach out a trembling hand and grab the burn paste, Ginny’s hand drops from your face and instead wraps around your wrist keeping it steady.

You dip two fingers in and work your way down from her face - avoiding the less angry looking but still dangerous seeming burn on her cheek and instead focusing on her ear and the skin above her left eyebrow. Ginny sighs with relief and you continue working your way down.

“I’m so sorry,” You apologise, but the next sigh Ginny lets out is one of irritation.

“For Merlin’s sake! Would you please look around you? Look at Neville and Seamus’ arms, look at Luna’s neck? I suppose you’re sorry for those too? Except of course you’re not, because their injuries just like my cheek weren’t your fault,” Ginny argues, “What do all these injuries have in common?”

“They all happened in dark arts class,” You finally answer, sensing that she didn’t mean the spell.

“Exactly. Amycus Carrow is the one I blame, and you should too,” Ginny tells you firmly, but you can’t just accept it.

“It’s not like I was under the imperious or possessed. I could’ve taken detention or a crucio or-” You start but Ginny covers your mouth again.

“That’s not much of a choice,” Ginny tells you sharply.

“But it’s a choice you make!” You protest, Ginny’s smile thins.

“These choices get me hurt, get my friends hurt. Right now, I regret making them,” Ginny tells you, “I wouldn’t follow my example. A lot of my choices hurt a lot of people,”

You get the feeling that she isn’t just talking about today but something further back.

“Then why-” You start but Ginny cuts you off.

“You have ancient runes, right?” Ginny asks, “You probably ought to go,”

“R-right,” You agree face burning as you step out of the room. You hear Ginny and her friends start to talk and Seamus Finnigan makes a joke about how he’s glad he spent so many years building up his burn resistance and then laughter, one pure as a bird song, one dark and tired and one shocked but pleasant. Then you get too far away.

“You OK?” Leon asks when you arrive in your classroom. You nod shakily but one look at his face tells you all too clearly that he doesn’t believe you before Professor Sereptina begins the lesson. Your hands still shake but you pin them to the table. Without Luna around, Professor Sereptina turns her head to Leon as he’s the second-best runeist and then to you the third best.

Sam and Leon try to corner you into talking to them the rest of the day, so you end up avoiding them, feeling like you’re going to throw up at the mere thought of the dark arts. You end up hiding away by the black lake and drawing, hoping that they won’t find you.

And they don’t, but someone else does.

“Hey,” You hear from behind you and reflexively you tense, you body freezing in panic only relaxing again once you realise it’s Ginny.

“Nice night out,” Ginny says with a smile, glancing up at the sky. You look up to see that it was night, and the sky was filled with stars like freckles, like tiny little sparks of good in a fucked up world.

“It’s beautiful,” You found yourself agreeing, turning to see Ginny and realising with a start that she had freckles. You see Ginny look up at the sky and then a small smile appears on her face like she hadn’t been paying attention until now.

“It really is,” Ginny agrees, a smile on her face as she basks in the beauty of the stars. Ginny tilts her head and you see the skin of her cheek.

“Aren’t you still supposed to be in the hospital wing?” You ask.

“Yep, so’s everyone else but I snuck out, figured I’d enjoy a night of freedom or maybe make a run for it. I haven’t quite decided yet,” Ginny jokes, but there’s a degree of sincerity in her tone, “Maybe you should come with me,”

“Trust me, you wouldn’t want me with you,” You tell her but Ginny laughs.

“Why wouldn’t I want a beautiful, kind, artistic Hufflepuff with me? I heard their excellent finders,” Ginny flirts and you find yourself blushing.

“Maybe I’m not kind or beautiful,” You tell her and Ginny shrugs.

“That’s fine by me, I’m not kind either. Afraid I can’t agree with you not being beautiful though, but then I suppose beauty’s in the eye of the beholder,” Ginny says with a smile, “Now will you run?”

“If I thought you were serious, maybe, but you wouldn’t leave your friends and I can’t leave mine either,” You tell her and Ginny sighs.

“Ah, there’s the famous Hufflepuff loyalty,” Ginny teases, not unkindly, she shuffles slightly seeming to get to her feet.

“Are you heading out on the run now?” You joke and Ginny smiles, mirth in her eyes.

“No, I think I’ll head to the hospital wing,” Ginny tells you, “But first-”

You let out a gasp of surprise when Ginny leans down and presses a kiss to your lips. It’s chaste, barely a thing and then she pulls back and looks for your reaction. You press a hand to your lips, blushing bright red before turning and grabbing Ginny’s tie pulling her back towards you and kissing her.

Her lips are light against yours but soft and warm, she hums slightly as she reaches out to rest a hand on your face and you can feel the calluses against your face. She strokes it lightly with her thumb, trailing down until it reaches your jaw and you feel her hand in your hair, against the back of your head, sending shivers down your spine. A sudden irrational desire boils inside of you, and you find yourself opening your mouth, wanting to taste her.

Her lips taste like strawberries, and there’s a smell, the smell of Ginny Weasley that seems like Cinnamon and spice and you could get lost in it if it wasn’t for the fact that you were already lost in the war Ginny’s lips feel against your own. Then she opens her mouth and… oh… there’s a sensation, something new, something unimagined, something you’d never expected.

“What… what was that?” You ask, heart racing as you both slowly separate. Ginny’s face is almost as red as her hair but she still seems confident and you find yourself loving the way she blushes.

“A good luck kiss,” Ginny tells you, cheekily.

“Why do I need good luck?” You ask, confused, not thinking clearly.

“I never said it was for you.” Ginny giggles and then she seems to disappear, quite literally. It’s like you blinked and she was gone. You hear a laughing sound at your confusion, and you blush deepens.

“You’re adorable,” Ginny’s voice calls, but you still can’t see her. You stand on shaky feet, blushing and make your way back towards the castle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. I'll be updating on Saturdays, thanks for reading, feedback is always appreciated.


	4. Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After both Leon and Sam abandon you in the hallway, it's up to you to get to the root of it.

**_ We will never give up. You will never stop us. _ **

**_ Dumbledore’s Army. Recruiting Now. _ **

**_ Stand up for what matters. _ **

The message appears outside the Dark Arts classroom on Saturday morning, it’s clear that neither Luna, Ginny, Neville or Seamus could have written it; a fact that doesn’t escape the students' attention. Leon and Sam exchange glances, Sam has a smirk on her face but Leon looks like he thinks they’re fools still.

“Who do you think joined?” Sam asks and Leon shrugs slightly.

“Does it matter?” Leon sighs, “I have a tonne of homework that I need to get done. If you’ll excuse me,”

You can’t quite believe Leon’s abrupt exit even when he’s walking away. It’s just so out of character for him, Sam bites her lip, an agonised expression on her face, as you turn to face her.

“What happened?” You ask, gently, but certain that Sam had some involvement.

“No idea,” Sam says, a firm stubbornness forming on her face.

“Sam? Please, is there something wrong? Whatever it is, I can help,” You promise.

“Not this,” Sam tells you, “Not this,”

Then she too is walking away from you, leaving you standing alone in the corridor wondering what’s bad enough that both of your best-friends would walk away from you and feeling something in your chest. A sick feeling, like it’s somehow your fault. You feel your fingernails sink into the palm of your hand over and over again, trying to release the tension in your chest. This was stupid, so stupid.

You feel the need to do something, something completely stupid like spilling your guts to the next person you see just to start to feel somewhere near OK again. You grit your teeth, pushing your guilt to one side and focusing on your concern for your friends, something was wrong and you needed to help them out.

You make your way into the Library, and see Leon bent over a stack of books. You hadn’t been expecting to see the restricted section wide open, but it was, under the law of the Carrows. You guessed it was because pretty much all of the things they were teaching had been left under lock and key - no doubt for good reason.

You see Leon bent over a desk, book on the table, running his hand through his hair and seeming more and more stressed out when he reaches the end and finds his ponytail still missing. His fist clenches and unclenches, you quicken your pace until you’re sat beside him, not saying a word just waiting. 

“Sam and I got in a fight,” Leon tells you after a few minutes, “About my uncle,”

“Why?” You ask and Leon grits his teeth, struggling to open up. A fourth-year Hufflepuff nears your table, searching through one of the bookshelves.

“You. Do me a favour, get lost,” Leon snarls, and the fourth year girl turns her head seeming indignant before noticing the green on Leon’s tie, on his cloak, on his pencil case even and hurrying away, “Yeah, keep walking, because all Slytherin’s are the same. Aren’t they?”

“Leon,” You mutter, gently chiding and he sighs.

“I mean have a nice day! Let’s pretend to be a Hufflepuff because clearly, they are the only good people in this whole fucked up world. Yeah, because all Slytherins are evil. All of us! And Pius Thickness, he’s the worst of the whole fucking lot, isn’t that the case?” Leon yells, attracting too much attention. Madame Prince stands, cheeks sunken and seeming small yet still dangerous as she walks toward you.

“Leon, let’s get out of here,” You insist, quietly, “Let’s go somewhere we can talk,”

“Why? Afraid of Madame Prince?” Leon scoffs, shaking his head in disgust, “Hufflepuffs really are the most cowardly, aren’t they? You can leave then if you’re so afraid,”

“Leon, where is this coming from? I know you and Sam fought, but I’m not Sam, and you know she loves you, so where’s this coming from?” You ask, insistently. Madame Prince was coming closer now, looking like she was about to blow up.

“Right, because there must be some underlying root. It couldn’t just be that I know you’re a coward,” Leon spits, “Because all Hufflepuff’s are cowards, just like all Slytherin’s are pureblooded monsters who want to eradicate all mudbloods because we’re all slaves to you-know-fucking-who. Do you know what I find funny? There’s a Crabbe in Gryffindor. There’s a Bulstrode in Ravenclaw. And you. You’re the most dangerous thing in our dark arts class and yet, no one’s afraid of the cowardly little Hufflepuff, because you don’t want to hurt anyone, do you? But Slytherin’s… we want to kill you all, right?”

“YOU! OUT!” Madame Prince screams, but Leon climbs to his feet.

“IT’S BULLSHIT! IT’S FUCKING BULLSHIT!” Leon screams back.

“Twenty points from Slytherin!” Madame Prince yells.

A laugh escapes Leon, loud, and cruel and maniacal.

“That's the best you’ve got? Want to take points from me? Want to-” Leon’s cut off by Madame Prince casting a charm that renders him silence. She raises her head, turns swiftly on her heel and gets behind her desk. For a moment, you think Leon will do something stupid like hurling a desk at her, but instead, he slumps over, the fight going out of him.

“Come on, let’s leave,” You say insistently, and he finally lets you lead him out of the Library. You pull him up to the Astronomy Tower, knowing it will be empty on a Saturday. Leon stands on the edge, looking down at the ground and you find yourself gripping his arm until he finally pulls himself back a little bit.

He turns to face you, and you see that he’s been crying. You don’t hesitate, pulling him to you and hugging him tightly to you while his body shakes and convulses.

“I’m sorry,” Leon apologises after a while, his arms wrap around you hugging you back tightly.

“I forgive you, always,” You promise him as he finally pulls back. He moves away from you, taking a seat on the stone floor and staring out at the Hogwarts grounds. You sit down beside him, and he rests his head against your shoulder.

“I guess I owe you an explanation, right?” Leon asks, trembling slightly. You don’t answer him, knowing that it’s easier for him to open up if he thinks he owes you and knowing that he needs to talk before he breaks.

“Do you know how many people I’ve heard talking about my Uncle as if they know him? People calling him the scum of the earth, and others revering him as a hero. Pius Thicknesse, monster, demon, and his family too. All evil. Except we aren’t, but everyone acts like it. The bad name Slytherin has is only getting worse. Today, a boy came back to my common room, covered in blood. They beat him, a gang of students actually gathered up to beat him. He was in his first year!” Leon tells you, covering his mouth and letting out a small whimper.

“I’m so sorry Leon,” You whisper, taking his hand.

“Sam’s acting like I’m a monster too,” Leon tells you, “Because I don’t believe the DA will be effective. Because I have a plan to save my uncle which isn’t legal. Because I’m a Slytherin. She thinks I’m a monster, or that I’ll become one. But I’m not and I won’t. I just want to save a good man,”

“What’s your plan?” You ask and Leon shakes his head.

“Why, are you going to tell me I’m a monster too?” Leon asks.

“No! Because I might be able to help, and look, I don’t think Sam thinks you're a monster, Leon. I think she’s just afraid,” You tell him and he smiles.

“Sure,” Leon agrees, unconvincingly.

“You’ll see, I promise. Now tell me this plan,” You order and he bites his lip.

“I’m going to put my uncle under the Imperius curse, specifically, under my Imperius curse,” Leon tells you, “I think if I get him under the curse, he’ll have to do what I say and if I tell him different to whoever the bastard who put him under the imperious curse does, he’ll start fighting and I can free him,”

“Will it work?” You ask and Leon shrugs helplessly.

“I don’t know, but it’s the only chance I have of getting back the guy who taught me to ride a broomstick. The guy who used to sneak me, sweets when my dad wasn’t looking. The guy who wouldn’t let me be alone on my birthday when both of my parents had to work. The guy who let me eat ice cream for dinner and pizza for dessert. I need him back,” Leon tells you, he’s looking away from you but you notice the tears splattering the stone.

“He sounds like a great man,” You tell him softly, and Leon smiles.

“He is, I mean, we have our problems but I used to dream he’d adopt me. He’s always been like a surrogate Dad to me, I can’t…” Leon breathes out, “He sent me a letter a few days ago. It was like he was fighting against himself. Demanding this then changing to that, everything was out of sync. There was this one paragraph that stuck out to me though. He was reminiscing about the time we ended up on holiday in Miami, flew across the Atlantic just for the hell of it until I was so tired that he had to apparate me the rest of the way. It had such love in it, and I know that he’s still fighting, he just needs a push,”

“So how are you getting close to him?” You ask and Leon fiddles with his hands.

“I… I don’t know. I mean… he has to visit at some stage and if not I can always go into his office,” Leon suggests.

“Right… Another small problem. You don’t know how to cast the imperious curse,” You point out and Leon frowns.

“Sure I do!” Leon declares.

“That right? Then use it on me,” You order and Leon looks afraid, “It’s OK, I said you could. I mean, it’s still a crime but I doubt it matters when the Carrows are in charge, no one’s handing you over,”

“Uh… Imperio?” Leon tries to cast, meekly, but it’s clear nothing happened and you shake your head.

“No, you barely even moved! Again, come on, imagine I’m your uncle, ” You demand, and Leon takes a deep breath, really concentrating.

“Imperio,” Leon casts, and this time you feel it. The barest trickle touching your skin.

“OK, now command me to do something,” You order.

“Um,.. stand-up?” Leon offers, but you feel no compulsion to do anything. He keeps trying, frustration setting in but to no avail until finally he throws his wand aside and you hear it clatter on the stone.

“Leon?” You ask, tentatively, resting a hand on his shoulder.

“I’m never going to save him. Am I? I can’t. I… I can’t,” Leon cries. You reach out, and pull him into your arms, he shakes, tears falling too hard and fast.

“You know, I wouldn’t be too sure about that. You just need practice, it’s like with any spell,” A voice calls out feminine and full of dry humour that you recognise at once.

“Sam!” Leon says, spinning around to face her, “I thought you thought I was going to become a monster,”

“Don’t put words in my mouth. I said it sounds dangerous and it was against the law, not that we shouldn’t do it or try to,” Sam points out.

“We?” Leon asks and Sam rolls her eyes, stepping forwards and punching him in the arm. Hard, “OW!”

“How long have we been friends?” Sam demands.

“Uh… Five and a half years?” Leon offers.

“Exactly, five and a half years. Years, Leon. Years. Did you really think we would abandon you when the going gets tough? Just because your plan seems kind of stupid, definitely illegal and hard to pull off doesn’t mean we’re going to give up on you. Who do you think we are?” Sam demands, “You’ve never left us, we won’t leave you,”

“We love you,” You remind him and Leon pulls you both in for a hug.

Sunday is spent with you and Sam alternating between researching the spell and letting Leon cast it on you.

Ginny Weasley, Neville Longbottom, Luna Lovegood and Seamus Finnigan are released on Wednesday, a day early. They all spend two days in the hospital, but when they see the message on the dark arts classroom wall, a smile spreads across each of their faces while the expression on the Carrow’s faces gets darker. Especially, when the four make their ways into the Great Hall and are greeted by a huge round of applause that even several angry yells from the Carrows and Severus Snape cannot silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and Kudos are extremely appreciated. Thank you so much to the people who already have left kudos. It means a lot.


	5. Imperio!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a day helping Leon with his Imperio curse, you run into the midst of something unexpected.

“Imperio!” Leon casts, you grimace slightly, feeling like hooks have been sunk into your arms and pulled taut.  _ Pick up the pink pillow _ Leon orders, and you glance over to where several pillows lay scattered across the floor of the abandoned classroom.

Leon’s spell is much better, there’s a slight fog in your head that seems to obscure your vision, it closes in on you showing you only the pink pillow. You can’t hear anything either. Everything’s faded away. It’s terrifying and you know that all your terror can be removed if you’d only grab the pink pillow.

But, you need to fight. For Leon. For a good man. You force your eyes shut, bite down on the inside of your cheek drawing from the pain. You focus on your body, pretend like you can see those hooks and focus on ripping each one out. It doesn’t matter what you do, but if you focus on something else while under the Imperius curse and fight to carry that out rather than the compulsion then you can resist.

“Three steps,” Sam says, as your vision finally clears, “That’s progress,”

“Yeah, but not quick enough,” Leon frowns, “How many times have I cast this now? Fifty? A hundred? The longer you’re under the casters control the smaller your sense of self. What if he’s gone already?”

“Leon, listen to me. It doesn’t matter. You are his one shot at fighting, you have to try. You have to!” You tell him, taking his hands and emphasising it, “And you’re getting better, quickly. It’s been nine days and you’re already making me want to grab the pillow. It’s progress,”

Leon nods, letting out a deep breath before reaching for his wand, you stumble back, falling over yourself and he stops looking stricken.

“Y/N?” Leon asks, and you let out a small struggling breath.

“I… Leon, I can’t do this again right now, I’m so sorry but-” You start but he cuts you off.

“It’s OK, I’m sorry, are you OK?” Leon asks, pushing his wand away and reaching out to you. It takes you a second to find the trust again and then you reach out and take his hand, he pulls you into his arms whispering apologies and stroking your hair until you finally relax.

“I’m OK, it’s just… terrifying,” You tell him, “My vision disappears until I can only see the pillow and that’s the only remnant of my senses. The sudden and total loss… it’s terrifying, truly terrifying,”

“I’m sorry,” Leon whispers, he looks like he might cry.

“Don’t be, this is for your uncle, and I trust you. You always ask first, it’s just hard to deal with the spell itself,” You tell him and Leon nods but he still looks like he’s breaking a little. Sam stands, up from where she’s doing homework and makes her way over.

“Leon, we love you and we want to help you. We’re agreeing to this, completely and trust us, if it was too awful we wouldn’t be helping. We’re here for you, and we will keep doing the spell, just not tonight,” Sam tells him, and he nods, a wholly different expression crossing his face. There’s a minute of stillness and then Sam presses a kiss near the centre of his cheek before hurrying back to her seat at the table that’s piled high with books and missing the blush that fills Leon’s cheeks.

You let out a small smile, feeling the lightness in your chest despite everything. Leon grins at you and you grin back, for a moment everything is right in the world.

Outside the door, a flash of red hair alerts you to Ginny passing by, her beautiful brown eyes alive with mischief. You find yourself blushing at the thought of the kiss stolen at the lake, the winks in class, her biting her lip, touching your hands and that stupid sexy smirk.

“Your blushing,” Sam notes, confusion in her tone before she spins around to face the door so quickly that you almost find yourself wincing in sympathy for her neck. She spins around, staring at Leon expectantly before sighing, “You didn’t see who was walking past, did you?”

“No, sorry, no idea,” Leon answers, before addressing you with a dramatic sigh, “Some strapping lad finally replaced me then?”

“Absolutely,” You agree with a smirk, “Sorry, Leon, but there’s just no competition,”

“Absolutely or abs-olutely?” Sam jests, and you blush as an imagined image of Ginny without her blouse suddenly fills your head. You can feel the burn spreading up your face and you turn your back to your friends until you’re certain that the blush has faded. You can hear them cackling mischievously and the sudden desire to escape the room surrounds you.

“I have to go… return a book,” You tell them quickly, and Sam and Leon snicker.

“Sure you do, go on then, go make-out with the mystery hottie then,” Leon grins.

“I am not going to-” You start but Sam cuts you off.

“Sure,” Sam agrees sarcastically, you start to make your way out from behind the wards that Sam had crafted when she calls, “You forget to take a book!”

You blush as the sound of them laughing is cut off completely by your exit.

It’s dark outside, and you realise with a start that curfew must be drawing near, you grab a scrap of paper from your pocket and scribble down a warning before hurling it into the seemingly empty classroom but you don’t stick around to see if your friends leave not wanting to deal with the embarrassment. You head down a rarely used corridor, taking the familiar short-cut towards the Hufflepuff common room.

You stop short when you see Ginny in the corridor, perched on a slim window ledge, looking out of the window with subtle anxiety growing in her stance. You see it in the way she chews her lip, the hardness to her usual softness.

You stand still for a second, before finally taking another nervous step. You don’t quite know where you stand with Ginny, if she likes you or if she’s just using you as a distraction, it’s not as though her dating history’s exactly a secret and honestly, who are you compared to the great Harry Potter?

Ginny looks up suddenly, freezing you in her gaze and for a moment you see her vulnerable, afraid before it disappears under her smirk.

“Cutting it a bit close to curfew, aren’t you?” Ginny smirks, dragging out each word, “Bad girl,”

Damn her. You feel the blush racing back through you and Ginny grins.

“You’re so easy to tease,” Ginny smiles, pushing herself off the window ledge and making her way towards you. Raising your hands slightly you shyly hide your face, a soft but calloused hand takes yours and tugs them away from your face, with a small sigh you let them until you're staring into Ginny’s brown eyes. She smirks, and you find a fire in your stomach, she wasn’t the only one who could tease.

Steeling yourself, you flip her around until her backs against the stonewall of the corridor, pinned. You search her face for any sign that she’s unhappy but her surprised expression quickly turns to intrigue.

“Well I wasn’t expecting this from a Hufflepuff, but I must say, I rather like it,” Ginny smirks, her tongue slips out, running across her lips teasingly. You roll your eyes.

“I thought Gryffindor’s were more competitive,” You tell her, “Didn’t expect to have one surrender so easily,”

“Oh, well if it’s a competition you want…” Ginny trails off, before summoning all the force she had and slamming you back against the wall. She smirks, leaning close to your lips, before suddenly changing course to your neck and leaving you frustrated. You let out a small helpless groan, before yelping slightly when she nips at your neck. Shit.

She trails her lips back up, kissing the corner of your jaw, sliding up and biting your ear making you gasp before trailing her way back down. You shiver slightly when she gets just under the corner and she does it again before making her way towards the corner of your lips. Anticipation hums through you…

Ginny steps back suddenly, spinning around alarmingly quickly, pulling her wand free from her holster and aiming it into the shadows. For one terrifying moment, you expect to see Amycus Carrow emerging from the shadows. Ginny lowers her wand, stance changing.

“Patil, Brown,” Ginny greets, and you watch in stunned silence as two seventh year girls step out from the shadows so smoothly and unexpectedly that you find yourself doubting the evidence of your own eyes. Both are dressed in dark greys, which make it hard to distinguish between them and the castle’s stone floor. One of the two girls stares at you in a way that makes you very glad that looks can’t kill while the other seems more amused.

“Interesting company you’re keeping Sentinel,” The girl says, curtly, and you suddenly recognise her as the girl Harry Potter took to the yule ball. Parvati Patil. It had been gossiped about so much through the Hufflepuff common room, Leon had even organised a betting ring about who Harry would take and made a fortune in the process. You remember watching her dance, and thinking she was pretty, but never really noteworthy, yet here she stood, dangerous, powerful.

“She’s trustworthy,” Ginny declares, drawing herself to her full height.

“She’s best-friends with Leon Draconis, related to-” Parvati starts, but Ginny cuts her off.

“Pius Thicknesse, I’m aware but maybe if you spent less time attempting to snog Brown’s face-off and more time researching those you find suspicious you would realise that Leon Draconis is not a threat. If he supported Voldermort, he would never befriend a muggle-born, remember that,” Ginny defends, and Parvati bends her head submissively.

“Yes, Sentinel. Sorry, Sentinel,” Parvati apologises.

“That’s a bit rich coming from someone who was just in the middle of a make-out session, aren’t you a  _ bad girl _ Sentinel?” Brown asks, teasingly, and you find yourself laughing despite yourself. Brown looks at you appreciatively, and steps past Ginny with a smile, “Lavender,”

“Y/N,” You introduce, and Lavender grins.

“I know,” She says with a smile and you tip your head to the side baffled, she chuckles again before turning to face Ginny who’s smiling slightly.

“She’s pretty Sentinel,” Lavender says, somewhat cheekily. Parvati coughs, and Lavender rolls her eyes, making her way back towards her and pressing a kiss to her cheek, “Not as pretty as you of course,”

Parvati blushes and entwines their hands before facing Ginny with an expectant look.

“Report,” Ginny orders, and Parvati assumes a serious disposition once again.

“We left the dungeon sweep to you as instructed. I covered floors one to four and Lavender covered five to seven. Floor one is being covered by Snape and Filch, Snape is patrolling the east side while Filch guards the front doors, this cuts off the staircase by the entrance hall. Six armour plinths have been left empty, we have located two suits on the first floor, two on the third and two on the fifth. The second floor is being guarded by Professor Sprout and Phaethon Carrow, however, I overheard a conversation between Amycus and Phaethon that suggests Phaethon should be gone by now. The suits are standing guard for the third floor but we have two ‘prefects’ on the fourth - Parkinson and Malfoy,” Parvati recites, “We should hear them coming,”

“The fifth floor is empty asides from the statues, the sixth floor has been left alone but there are two ‘prefects’ gathered outside of the Gryffindor tower; Crabbe and Zabini. Crabbe seems to be our weak-point since he was yawning when his patrol had just started,” Lavender analyses, “Did you hear back from Bluebird,”

“The Dungeon’s will be deserted from twelve to five. The Tinker’s have gotten back to me too with a new spell we’ll need,” Ginny answers and then she stops, turning back to face you and biting her lip.

“Sentinel, I could take her back. Tonight might go easier with the two of you anyway, there have only been two new admissions as far as I can tell,” Lavender suggests. You see Ginny bite her lip, consideringly.

“Don’t take any unnecessary risks, take her back to her common room and then head straight back to the tower. We don’t need any heroics,” Ginny says decisively. Lavender nods, tilting her head as an indicator that you should follow.

“Wait,” You whisper, and Lavender pauses just long enough for you to lean up and press a kiss to Ginny’s lips. A surprised sound forms in the back of Ginny’s throat but she kisses you back. It’s quick, too quick and leaves you with a burning desire to quest for another but you know there’s no time.

“What?-” Ginny starts to ask but you cut her off.

“For good luck,” You tell her with a smile, seeing a red flush in both of her cheeks. A sudden smile threatens to split her face.

“I might not need it tonight,” Ginny says with a smile.

“I didn’t say it was for you,” You parrot and then you’re heading off down the hall followed by Lavender who quickly takes the lead.

“You’re surprised, aren’t you?” Lavender asks with a smirking smile.

“About many things, Ginny’s your leader? You’re… spies?” You ask and Lavender laughs.

“Well, Ginny started this, she’s the leader and she’s the one who knows how to lead easily. As for us being spies, well, we’re both the obvious choice and the least obvious,” Lavender chuckles, “Everyone dismisses a pretty face but they also forget that we find the gossip, we know the gossip and we even create gossip. We’re perfect,”

“It’s ingenious,” You agree, “How did you end up joining though?”

“Well, we wanted to join, so we entered moaning myrtle’s bathroom and asked her who we should speak too. We had some guys who found out from a code in their bathroom. Ginny’s made everyone sign this parchment that prevents you from saying anything to outside sources without something nasty happening,” Lavender explains.

“Aren’t I an outside source?” You ask and Lavender frowns.

“Are you?” She asks, and then shrugs, “Better sign this,”

She holds out a piece of paper to you and you frown.

“I don’t want to be a part of this, I don’t want to get hurt, I-” You start but Lavender cuts you off.

“This doesn’t make you a part of us, it just protects us,” Lavender explains, “Please?”

You look at her, and then nod, signing your name. Lavender smiles and then frowns.

“I think we’re here,” Lavender says, “But I can’t see any sign of your common room,”

“We’re here,” You agree, going to tap on the barrels. Lavender smiles, waves goodbye and leaves you be.

“How was it?” Sam asks when you enter the common room.

“Surprising,” You tell her, and Sam smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, and I'll hopefully see you next week.


	6. One of us.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Carrows are recruiting for their own army, Ginny and Parvati have been kidnapped and Lavender Brown wants you to help her, only one problem. You're a coward.

It spanned the length of the fifth-floor corridor, dark green but stark against the stone wall. Leon’s hand grips your wrist, a hardness to him as he examines the message on the wall. Sam stands silently beside you, there’s a crowd forming at your back, you take a deep breath rereading the message.

**_ Join the Inquisitorial Squad! _ **

Around the message, several phrases are scrawled like;  _ find true friendship, become a respected member of the student body  _ and _ earn the gratitude of the true blood. _

The worst part wasn’t that the Carrow’s were recruiting an army out of the Hogwarts student body, the worst part was that some of the students seem like they’re thinking of joining up. You grab Leon’s arm and pull him and Sam away from the group.

“I feared this would happen,” Leon sighs, “The DA becoming more of a threat means the Carrow’s have to divide us. Before when it was all Hogwarts students getting attacked, we were a force to be reckoned with, but now it’s different. It's us and them,”

“Then maybe we should join a side,” Sam suggests.

"The DA?" Leon asks and Sam squirms slightly.

"Actually... I was thinking of the Inquisitorial Squad, I mean, at least we'll be safe," Sam admits, she looks like she hates herself for thinking it, but the idea of safety is tempting.

"What? Sit back and watch as our classmates get hurt?” Leon demands.

“But if we get caught in the DA, we'll get hurt. Then again, there's no promise that the Carrow's won't hurt their army. We’re on our own. The DA won’t attack students, and if you can avoid giving the Carrows a reason-” You start but Leon cuts you off.

“Give them a reason? They don't need a reason! You have no idea how evil they are. The Carrows are dangerous, insane, unpredictable, angry-” Leon starts but you cut him off.

“I KNOW! Leon, I knew their names before you had any idea who they were! I know their history! I know everything! I was there when they killed my parents! I saw… everything… I know just how cruel, and dangerous a Carrow can be,” You argue, a flame of anger surfacing. Leon raises his hands apologetically.

“I’m sorry,” Leon apologises, “I’m sorry, it's just that they can justify anything as a reason for punishment,”

“Of course they can, but they won’t target you specifically, they just want to hurt  _ someone.  _ If you don’t stand then they won't hurt you. They won’t notice you, they-” You start but Sam cuts in.

“Y/N, they know you. They won’t forget or forgive you,” Sam hisses, “You stand out just by existing, you remind them of everything, maybe we’re better off seeking protection, not standing up,”

“Wait, are you both **** saying that you want to join the Inquisitorial Squad?” You ask, stunned and repulsed by the notion.

“We don't **** want to, but we want you safe and we want to  ** be  ** safe. Your history puts us all at risk,” Sam points out.

“Look, if you two want to join a cause that will hurt others, then go ahead. Just don’t involve me, I - I can’t work for them, pretend like what they did doesn’t tear me apart. They ripped my family from me! Just because I’m happy with my Dad and my Nan doesn’t make everything OK!” Your voice shakes, emotion getting the better of you and you know you need to get out of here, “I’m sorry, but I can’t do this,”

“Fine,” Sam agrees, “But-”

“Y/L/N,” A voice calls from behind, and you turn to see the intimidating figure of Lavender Brown striding towards you, desperate for an escape you go to her. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Sam looking at Leon imploringly but he shakes his head and pushes her away, knowing that you need space.

“Should I be surprised you know my last name, Brown?” You ask, but Lavender ignores you.

“Have you seen Ginny?” Lavender asks and you suddenly feel like you’ve been sucker-punched. Lavender’s so serious, so tense, something is wrong. Terribly, terribly wrong.

“No, why?” You ask, desperately.

“Because she and Parvati went on a mission last night and Parvati never came back to bed,” Lavender answers, jaw clenched, "I think... I think the Carrows have them,"

"What'll happen to them?" You ask desperately.

"They’ll torture her,” Lavender whispers, she looks like she might faint with fear for them and your own anxiety over Ginny's fate burns inside you. Lavender grabs your hand and pulls you into an abandoned classroom, she leaves you, pacing the room desperately.

"Oh, merlin, merlin, merlin," She whispers, as she paces, "Dammit, dammit, dammit. We have to do something... but what... what do we do? Oh, Parvati,"

She suddenly whirls around to face you, "You've got to help me," She commands.

“I’m not part of the DA! I don’t know-” You start but Lavender cuts you off.

“I don't care. I need your help to protect Parvati, I love her. OK? And you have feelings for Ginny, so help me!” Lavender demands.

There’s a fire burning in you but there’s also an icy feeling in the pit of your chest. Suffocating levels of fear rooted in the knowledge of what the Carrows are capable of. The feeling of being nine years old, having to hide behind the sofa while green light fills the room, staying still and silent even when the body of your father's lands beside you, his eyes empty.

“I-I can’t. I’m sorry, but I’m no Gryfindor, I-I’m a coward. A total coward, I can’t… I can’t help you, I’m sorry,” You whisper, a lump forming in your throat. Lavender looks at you, really, looks and then she scoffs.

“Your right, you’re useless, why Ginny even likes you I'll never understand,” Lavender says, shaking her head.

“Ask Neville, or Seamus or anyone else!” You beg and Lavender shakes her head.

“You don’t get it. There’s no one else! I need a distraction and the only person who might help me that they aren’t watching; is  ** you.  ** But you’re a coward,” Lavender spits, before turning her back and leaving you. That’s fine, you think grimly, I can just add her to the list of people I failed.

You turn your back, resting your hands on a desk, feeling the tears dripping down your face as your body shakes with the memories and the pain of having to relive those moments. Phantom pains shake you. Coward. Coward! COWARD!

You shove the desk over, needing to let it out, wanting to scream to shout but stuck. Opening your mouth only for nothing to come out but a groan.

The classroom door opens, and a face appears. For a moment, you’re terrified, and then you see him. Fae. He’s here. He walks across the room and takes a seat in front of you. For a moment you just stop, stare into the eyes that are so like yours. He’s here. How is he here? Why is he here?

“Fae?” You ask, your voice is quiet but pleading. You need it to be him. You need to see your brother.

“It’s me,” He promises, taking your hand, “It’s me,”

“How did you find me?” You ask.

“I’ve been watching, I’m… I’m trying, for you. I know I hurt you, and I can’t promise that I’ve changed or that anything’s going to be OK, but you looked like you needed someone so… I’m here. If you want me,” Fae promises.

“This can’t fix everything,” You tell him, making sure he understands.

“I know. Nothing is ever going to be the same as it was, but please, talk to me,” Fae begs.

“I have secrets, Fae, so many. Where do I even begin? How do I even trust you?” You ask and Fae nods, closing his eyes.

“I know, so we can abandon specifics, but please, talk to me,” Fae begs.

Walls shiver and then tumble, bricks smashing to the ground but for now, that’s OK.

“I… I have a friend. She needs my help, but… I’m a coward, and I’m afraid,” You tell him, voice shaking as it fades to a whisper, “I’m so afraid,”

“I’m guessing this could get you in trouble?” Fae asks and you nod, “What would you even have to do?”

“I need to make a distraction, something big,” You tell him, “But there’s another thing. My friends all want to choose a side, they think we either have to be Dumbledore’s Army or part of the Carrows. They think we’re in danger, because of me, and I can’t face them, Fae. Not after everything, not after our parents… The Carrows are dangerous and cruel,”

“They’re right, you’re in danger but you’re also dangerous,” Fae tells you seriously, “Joining the Inquisitorial Squad might not be the worst idea, I mean… you’ve been hiding as a mudblood for so long, but if you claim your blood if it looks like you’ve had a change of heart. Look, you’re the strongest in your dark arts class, they  ** want ** that power. They want you on their side, so be there and then, when they aren’t looking? Do us both a favour and stab them through the heart.

“As for that distraction? Use your art. Make something, be creative, I doubt it’ll be traced back to you. If everyone’s talking about something, it becomes bigger than the creator.” Fae tells you, “And if you still draw like you used to, then I know that everyone will be talking about it,”

“But… Fae… I’m a coward,” You tell him and Fae looks at you.

“Why do you think that?” Fae asks and you shake your head.

“Fae, they came and I hid, and I have  ** never ** stood up for myself. I have taken beating after beating” you tell him, "Because I was too much of a coward to fight back,"

Fae shakes his head and scoffs, “Do you have any idea how many beatings I’ve taken? And as for you hiding, if you hadn’t then I don’t know if you’d be alive right now. Listen to me, no one is born a coward, you become who you want to be,”

“You think I want to be a coward!” You demand and Fae shakes his head.

“No. I think if you admitted you aren’t a coward, you’d have to forgive yourself,” Fae tells you, and then he stands a mask slipping over his face, changing from your brother to a man you loathe. He does pause though, lingers in the doorway for a moment and then he turns to face you, “Whatever you do, good luck,”

Then he’s gone.

It takes you an hour to come up with a plan, to know what you want to do, and then to finally find the guts to do it. You find Lavender, pull her aside and make her look you in the eyes.

“You better get ready, because you’re distractions coming up,” You tell her, Lavender’s eyes fill with relief and then harden, showing you that she knows the mission isn’t over.

“When-” Lavender starts, but you cut her off.

“Just be ready,” You order, and then you’re off, running. You want help, a look-out, someone else to rely on but you can’t have it. You’re alone.

Your mind lingers on Leon’s words, on Sam’s words as you face the wall of the entrance hall. The Carrows want to divide the school, segregate it, make it fight itself so that it doesn’t fight them. You need them to stand still though, to think about what a fight, what war actually costs. 

You pull your wand out, reciting the spells Leon taught you so that it would act as a can of spray paint and then you focus; his hair, his eyes, his cheekbones, his smile - the way it started in the right corner and moved to the left - the parts of him you remember. He was loved by the school. He was Slytherin's champion. He was kind, good, true, and he was killed.

Cedric Diggory stands twenty-foot high by the time you’re done, gold letters occupy the space beside him and write out things they need to know.

_ Cedric Diggory  _ \- His name, the most important, because no one should forget that he was a person.

_ Pureblood  _ \- Because they need to know that their beloved lord killed the very blood he supposedly seeks to protect.

_ Murdered by order of Voldermort _ .

_ Age 17. _

Voices come down the hall, warning you that someone else will be with you in a moment. You were never good at transfigurations, and you don’t have time to try, so the wreath you leave at his feet is one made of paint and then you’re moving, sprinting. You push open the door to a broom cupboard, hunker down among the upturned buckets and mops. You know when they see it because you hear them fall into silence.

It doesn’t matter about their house, because no matter what, they recognise him, they know him as one of their own. A student. A child. Someone they may have eaten with, talked to, smiled at and now a casualty of Voldermort.

It isn’t long before a bigger crowd has formed; no one leaves; no one can seem to tear their eyes away. You see Leon and Sam among them. Something's piling up in front of the picture. Flowers. Wreaths and bouquets joining the one you painted.

One Carrow appears, then another and another and finally the headmaster. They can’t disperse the crowd; they're all united for just one glorious moment. You see Lavender slip into the crowd and know she’s been successful. She stands in stunned silence before him. They stand side by side; Illiah Black, Harper Goyle, Luna Lovegood, Draco Malfoy, Neville Longbottom, Seamus Finnigan. They all stop, they're all looking, and even as the Carrows break up the crowd, you know that they’ll all still be thinking about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, let me know what you think, whether it be in the form of a kudos or a comment, it makes it easier to motivate myself and to know what I could be doing better.
> 
> Thank you for reading, and I'll hope to see you next week. Also, I hope it's obvious that each chapter is a week passing but I get it if it's not.


	7. Wash away the troubles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ginny has a suggestion on a better way to relax.

Letters blur together on the pages of your ancient runes book, the essay’s not due until three days from now but the week has been lonely; Leon and Sam keep talking about the Inquisitorial Squad, they can’t decide what to do. The picture of Diggory gave them pause, gave many people pause, but there’s still the fear like a pillow over your face that keeps people from doing what’s right.

You sigh, unable to focus, and finally accepting that trying is pointless. You slam the book closed, and rise from your desk, stretching to alleviate the various cricks in your spine. The back of your neck prickles and you turn your head to see Ginny watching you. You give her a pointed look, and with a pout, she looks back down at her work.

Still, when you’re walking past her to leave the Library, you can’t resist the temptation to run your fingers up her back. Ginny grabs your wrist, spinning you around until you’re sitting down beside her. A cheeky grin on her face. You sigh dramatically, but truthfully you’re kind of glad.

“You know, I never got to thank you,” Ginny tells you, forgetting all about her work and instead running her hand up your arm, curiously.

“For?” You ask, “Is that the care of magical creatures work?”

“Lavender told me you caused the distraction. Without it, things might have been so much worse, so thank you,” Ginny says, and you squirm internally.

Cedric’s picture stayed up for two days before they washed it away. In the end, there was nothing but a faint paint splatter left on the stone floor. There was a part of you that felt guilty for painting it, Cedric never had a side, what right did you have to paint him for the DA? Even if it wasn’t really for them but her.

“It’s… fine,” You tell her, unable to meet her eyes, “You know that’s due tomorrow, right?”

“Hey, talk to me. What’s wrong?” Ginny asks, but you shake your head. You don’t want to talk about anything, well you do, but you can’t. Ginny squeezes your hand insistently, and you sigh, breath shaking. There were so many thoughts crammed inside your skull, burning there, refusing to shut up until you felt like you might burst, break, brain matter splattering all over some poor unexpecting first year.

“Ginny… do you like me? Do you want me for the DA? Am I going to have to pick a side? What happens when Harry comes back? What -” You start, but Ginny cuts you off.

“I doubt that all that concerns you is me and you,” Ginny dismisses, but when she sees the slightly agonised look in your eyes she sighs, “OK, but… I’m not good at talking about… feelings… So be patient, please?”

You nod your head, knowing that Ginny’s going to give you nothing but honesty. Anxiety bubbles inside you knowing that you might not like what she has to say, but it's better than not knowing.

“I like you, a lot. I mean, you’re beautiful and creative, and you make me look at things, and you’re brave, and you care, and you’re powerful but scared, and I like that I’m still learning about you. You surprise me. You’re like the one lesson that I enjoy, like care of magical creatures back when it was still unicorns and hippogriffs,” Ginny says, looking down at your joined hands and fiddling with them.

“As for the DA… I think you could do a lot of good in ways no one else can. You’re a thinker, emotional, smart, the thing with Diggory was genius. We need someone like you, but that’s just what I see as the Sentinel. But as Ginny, I want you far away. I want to keep you far away from the Carrows, do anything I can to keep you safe,” Ginny answers, “I don’t want you on any side. I mean, you may have to choose one as the year goes on, but I don’t want to fight you or for you to have to fight someone else. Is that… Is that all the questions?”

“Yes,” You lie, there’s one she didn’t answer, one she avoids but to protect your heart you let it go.

“Then I’m asking one,” Ginny smirks, “What are you doing an hour from now?”

“I think I have a date with my bed. I need to relax,” You tell her,

and Ginny smiles.

“What if I knew a better way to relax?” Ginny smirks.

The fifth floor is deserted when you reach it, curfew means that almost everyone will be trying to escape somewhere away from the Carrows. You aren’t sure exactly where you’re meant to be, somewhere near the hospital wing by the statue of Boris the Bewildered. You feel kind of foolish like you’re going to be stood up - and who would blame her? You feel foolish in your big, black robes you never pack anything else filling the space with games and stories. Not like Lavender Brown who has dresses, and t-shirts and skirt in hers. Not like Sam, who always keeps her black dress with her hoping that one day she might get to wear it on a date to Hogsmead. 

The section of wall you’re leaning against falls away suddenly, and you feel your gut wrenched from you as you descend towards the hard stone. Someone catches you, stopping you before you hit the stone, and Ginny smiles down at you.

“Bit soon to be falling for me, isn’t it?” Ginny giggles as you righten yourself, face going bright red.

“That's so cheesy,” You smile.

“It’s a classic!” Ginny protests, leading you away from the wall and into a chamber, “Besides if it can still make you blush then it must work,”

You’ve stopped listening to Ginny though because the chamber you’re in is insane. In the centre of the floor is a huge rectangular swimming pool filled with sweet-smelling bubbles and water. You turn to Ginny, completely wordless.

“What is this place?” You ask, finally finding your voice again. You’ve never seen this room despite all your exploration of Hogwarts.

“It’s the prefect bathroom - and yes - I know I’m not a prefect, but I am Quidditch Captain,” Ginny explains, “Which means I’m allowed access,”

Ginny starts to pull off her robes, and you turn around quickly, blushing so hard you can almost hear her smirk.

“You’re Quidditch Captain?” You ask, surprised. You sense that it’s safe to turn around only to see Ginny looking almost offended, a feat that’s impressive in the bubbly pink water, before she giggles.

“I am, though it’s kind of a moot point now when the Carrows have pretty much banned it,” Ginny answers, and you feel a wave of sorrow for her knowing how much she loves her games from years of Sam and Leon pulling you into the crowd and forcing you to watch.

“I’m sorry,” You tell her and Ginny looks surprised for a second, and then she smiles.

“Don’t be. Can I ask, do you have a Quidditch team?” Ginny asks, and you suddenly wish you had a Quidditch team, but she’s been honest and so will you.

“I’ve never quite understood Quidditch,” You admit, and Ginny’s mouth opens wide like she’s in a pantomime.

“How?” Ginny asks, curious (excited?) by your differences.

“I always end up watching one player, I mean, it’s beautiful like they’re birds floating in the wind or angels, but I can’t keep score, and I don’t really like a particular team. I don’t care who wins,” You admit, “Have I ruined things?”

“No, not at all, I find it endearing. I love the way your brain works,” Ginny says, making you blush again, “You should get in, the water’s lovely,”

Face burning, you pull your robes off, leaving Ginny blushing and rushing to avert her gaze.

“Does your family support a team? I mean, I found my love for the Holyhead Harpies because my brother Bill introduced me to it,” Ginny says.

“My dad - a muggle- adopted me at nine, and my parents weren’t the type to take me to Quidditch games. Although, my brother did teach me how to ride a broomstick,” You admit, Ginny turns to look at you and digest this new information, but you quickly throw yourself under the water.

It’s dark here, the bubbles on the surface block out so much of the light. You feel the faint sting of soap in your eyes and the uncomfortable feeling of water in your nose, but you hold still, loving the darkness under the water and the way it feels. You let go of some of the air in your lungs and feel yourself start to sink, going into freefall, sinking to the bottom. Your lungs protest, burn. Your body starts to shake, slight and then more powerfully as the need for air becomes too large to ignore. You push off from the floor, pulling yourself up, up, up. For a moment you don’t think you’ll make it and then you’re breaking the surface, gasping, shaking but alive.

Ginny swims towards you, a look of concern on her face and you reach out, cupping her face apologetically. She leans in, kissing your lips softly, soothingly before she drifts away, floating on her back. You find yourself watching her for a second before doing the same.

“This is nice,” Ginny whispers, but you still manage to hear it, “It’s nice to feel normal again like I’m just Ginny Weasley, no scratch that like I’m just Ginny,”

“I get it, surnames are suffocating, well names and titles in general,” You whisper, “There’s a reason I took my dad’s last name,”

“What’s he like?” Ginny asks softly.

“He’s the kindest man I’ve ever known, sweet, caring, he has this huge desire to do good. I think, at first, he just saw someone who needed help, but then he saw me. I think that was one of the best days,” You tell her.

“What about your mum?” Ginny asks, and you sigh, it's a familiar question with an answer no one ever seems to understand.

“My dad’s ace. He's not romantically or sexually attracted to anyone, so I don’t have a mum. Nor do I want one. I have him, and my Nan, and Sam, and Leon and that’s enough family for me,” You explain, expecting Ginny to ask stupid questions like what if he just tried and is there something wrong with him, but she surprises you.

“So’s my brother Charlie,” Ginny says, “I’d like to meet your dad one day, he sounds like a good man,”

“I think he’d like to meet you too,” You tell her and you both float in comfortable silence for a moment.

“Why does the picture upset you?” Ginny asks, and you pause, not needing her to elaborate, but she does, “I get the feeling it’s more than you knowing or being housemates with Cedric Diggory,”

You're silent for a moment, not sure how to speak, how to share.

“Cedric… I never really knew him. It feels wrong that he’s a symbol like it erases him as a person. He was a human, a Hogwarts student but all anyone remembers is that he was killed and then they don’t even remember why or care,” You whisper.

“Then why use him?” Ginny asks, there’s no accusation in her voice, just genuine curiosity.

“Because. I needed people to look at what war costs. It’s not just soldiers on a battlefield, it’s someone young cut down before they had even begun to live,” You whisper.

“But we have to fight. Voldermort’s… evil… pure evil,” Ginny tells you, “And the Carrows-”

“Sure, but why?” You ask her, “I'm not defending murder, but there’s a lot wrong with this society. Have you ever thought about why the Carrows are the way they are? Have you ever wondered why it always seems to be Slytherin’s on one side and everyone else on the other? Stopping V-Voldemort won't be enough. Something needs to change or else history will just keep repeating, over and over and over until we're all swimming through oceans of death,”

“They’re evil,” Ginny answers.

“But they weren’t. Once upon a time, they were babies," You insist, "Do you notice how so many people treat Slytherin's like scum? From the first years to older generations and the truth is they're just kids. They aren't evil or going to kill you, they're just kids,"

Ginny’s silent for a long time, you can hear cogs turning in her head and know that the next thing she says is what she means.

“You’re right,” Ginny says, “I have yet to meet a Slytherin I like… but you aren’t wrong. What’s your friend like, Leon… isn’t it?”

“He’s the best. He’s rather cynical, but he’s loyal, and he cares. He can be scared and selfish, but so can we all. If you give him a little kindness, you find it returned a hundredfold. He wants to be a singer when he's older, and he's got the skill for it. He worries, he plans, he protects, he’s my best friend,” You tell her and Ginny hums thoughtfully.

You hear the tap of footsteps on the stone floor, moving with purpose. A sickening feeling surfaces as the steps come closer and closer. Ginny looks just as panicked, jumping out of the bath and hiding behind a pillar while you sink under the water.

“I know you’re there,” A voice calls out, you recognise it with a sickening feeling, “I’m going to find you,”

You hold still at the bottom, lungs aching as you hear the figure prowling around. At any moment you fear that the need for oxygen will become too great or Ginny will get discovered but seconds pass without a voice sounding.

“I have your clothes, aw, cute, your parents write this label? Ginny Weasley and what’s this… Y/N Y/L/N? Both of you, come out, now,” The voice orders and you finally give in, rising above the bubbles to see the intimidating figure of Phaethon Carrow. He looks dangerous, murderous, his face hardened, “See me tomorrow, after our lesson. I need to decide on a fitting punishment,”

He turns on his heel but pauses when Ginny comes towards you and her clothes.

“Since you want to be in the bath so much,” He mutters, and then he grabs her and throws her in. Ginny sinks beneath the water, and for a moment you’re terrified she won’t resurface until she comes up spluttering. You swim to her, wrapping an arm around her and keeping you both upright for the moment.

“Are you OK?” You ask.

“I’m fine,” Ginny reassures you, “I’m sorry,”

“Why?” You ask and Ginny sighs.

“If I hadn’t have brought you here then-” Ginny starts, but you cut her off.

“I wouldn’t be feeling the happiest I’ve felt in a month,” You tell her and Ginny smiles slightly.

“Only a month?” Ginny asks, pressing her lips to yours and locking you in an embrace that leaves you gasping for air and boiling. Her lips slip down, pressing against your neck, then further, cautious, curious. You gasp, when her lips trace the top of your breast and reflexively pull her closer. She smirks against your shoulder and meanders her way up to press her lips to yours.

“Come on, we’d better get out of here before another Carrow finds us in a far more compromising position,” You tell her, pushing her away and Ginny pouts but follows suit when you step out of the bath and pull on your clothes.

She takes your hand as you walk, and you like the comforting weight of it. She kisses you, once, outside of the door to the Hufflepuff common room and then she leaves a smile on both of your faces.

Sam doesn’t say a word when you enter your dorm. It’s nothing new, she hasn’t spoken to you in a while, she thinks you’re being selfish. You sigh, quietly and curl into your bed.

_ The knock comes out of nowhere. No one ever visits your home, the last time someone showed up in the doorway, it was Fae himself coming home. Your brother looks at you, nervous suddenly. His arms wrap around you as you hear the knocking rising to an incessant pounding, and then the crash seeming to shake your very foundations. _

_ Voices come from downstairs, panicked, Fae rises to his feet, begs you to wait for him to come back to you but you can’t let him go. He doesn’t know you’re following him until you’re both downstairs and then it’s too late. You see the shattered shards of wood scattered all around you, too late a foot falls and you feel it cutting into your bare soles. _

_ A shout comes from the living room and Fae’s running, racing to fling open the door. There’s a familiarity to the strangers who stand before you like they look like someone you know but not someone you’ve met. Fae shoves you hard and you smack against the ground, and then you pull yourself upright behind the sofa. The message is clear, stay there, stay hidden. _

_ The shouting picks up again, but now Fae’s voice joins the fay. You want to hold him, for someone to tell you it’s all going to be OK. Glass smashes, you feel a sudden coldness and know that the window’s broken. Lights start to fill the room, flashes of red, blue, black and then suddenly, abruptly green. _

_ Your father’s body flies backwards, he smacks against the sofa, his heading flopping over the top. His eye sockets are empty, completely, and blood runs down from them. He doesn’t move, never moves. He’s still. Completely still. _

_ There’s this screaming noise, this terrible never-ending scream and for a moment you think it’s your mothers and then you realise it’s your own. There’s another flash of green, and a second body hits you. Fae sticks his head around the sofa, sees your shaking body, reaches out to touch you but you flinch away knowing something but not knowing what. _

_ It isn’t until he’s gone with the murders that you realise; he knows them. He knew it would happen. _

Hands shaking you awake, you become aware that you're trembling, coated in sweat. Sam doesn’t say anything, doesn’t ask you anything, just climbs under your duvet and hugs you tightly.

You settle down against the bedsheets, silent as Sam rubs soothing circles into your skin. It’s been a long time since you’ve had a nightmare. A long, long time. There was a time when every night, Sam would crawl into bed beside you and ward them away until you no longer needed it.

She doesn’t say anything, just holds you until you both slip back to sleep.

When the morning comes, four souls stand side by side at the edge of the forbidden forest. Things are different, so different. A bright green badge with silver lettering adorns Illiah Black’s chest; Inquisitorial Squad it states. On the other side of you are Luna and Ginny, both of them members of the DA. You can already feel the rift growing, between kids who all loved animals and now are against each other.

Phaethon arrives at the edge of the forest like a ghost, he doesn’t say anything, just catches someone's eyes and then starts marching expecting us to follow without him needing to say anything. It isn’t long until you get to the white circle of the hide in the heart of the forbidden forest. Phaethon doesn’t say anything, but spins around quickly, casting a spell in one fluid movement.

You feel the sting, the sharp all-encompassing pain for just one moment and reflexively you cover it, feeling the warm blood welling up in your hand. You pull your hand away and stare at it for one moment uncomprehendingly.

“What was that for!” Ginny demands, angrily, her hand going to her wand.

“That was a reminder that mixing with the wrong kind of people leads you only to pain,” Phaethon answers, calmly, “That, is your fault, Miss Weasley. Now, everyone, inside the hide!”

You let out a small breath, and then move to cross the line.

“Correction, all pure-bloods in the hide,” Phaethon says, shoving you back, “Unless you’ve something to say?”

“My name is Y/N Y/L/N, I claim no other bloodline,” You answer and Phaethon’s eyes narrow.

“We’ll see,” He mutters darkly. Luna and Ginny haven’t moved, they stand angrily glaring at Phaethon refusing to be removed on your behalf. Phaethon shakes his head and casts a spell, you can smell something dark and foul like rotten fish and then Luna and Ginny are pulled behind the hide.

“Y/L/N, run around the hide ten times and be quick about it,” Phaethon orders, there’s a smirk on his face and then he’s inside the hide. You shake your head, regretting your choice when your blood scatters and splatters more.

You start to run, but you barely make it to your second lap before you hear it. A crack of a branch, a click of a pincer. You swallow hard but run the third lap. They’ll leave, you tell yourself, whatever it is will leave. Fourth lap. It gets closer and closer. Fith lap. There, just beyond the tree line something horrible something between a crab and a minotaur. Sixth lap. It’s coming closer, closer. You slam your hand into the hide, feeling the need to escape burning in you but your hand connects with only something solid.

It comes closer, as you run your seventh lap. Phaethon was going to kill you. He was actually going to kill you. It doesn’t have legs. It seems to hover in the air, you hadn’t expected it to ever… Closer. Closer. Eighth. You're on the ninth lap when it attacks you. It grabs for your legs but you dart aside, shoving your back against the hide. It misses, comes around to attack again but you sprint around. Tenth.

You’re running. Pinchers seeming consistently just one mistake away from ending your life. Sure of your imminent death. Time seems to slow down while your brain speeds up. It wants a last dream, an extra reality, as much time as it can give you.

You slip on the floor, and you realise this is it. This is it. The pincher rockets towards your stomach and the sudden gory image of the creature holding your guts in its hands, bloody and bleeding fills your head.

Hands reach out, grabbing the back of your robes you’re pulled into the hide, a soft body topples backwards, having overestimated the force required. You land together in a tangled heap while three faces stare down at you with varying levels of concern; Luna, Ginny and Phaethon Carrow but that means…

“Urgh, I got mudblood filth on me,” Illiah Black mutters, shoving you away, a small frown on her face. She doesn’t meet your eyes as she brushes out her robes, removing sticks and branches as though nothing happened like she didn’t just save your life. Leon used to do the same.

“Excellent work!” Phaethon declares clapping his hands together enthusiastically, “Now! Tell me everything you know from your encounter with the beast!”

There’s a crack in his mask, a huge one, one that shows the side of him that’s just a man obsessed with dark creatures. Ginny gives him a look of disgust, kneeling beside you and wrapping her arms around you.

“Are you OK?” Ginny asks.

“I’m fine,” You tell her, putting up with her concern for just a second before squirming free and pulling Illiah Black to her feet. Phaethon Carrow’s watching you, a fact you know as surely as you know that your face is still dripping blood.

Illiah Black looks uncomfortable, head bowed, unsure of her place.

“Thanks for saving me,” You tell her and there’s a slight crack in her mask before she pushes it on, turning her head and focusing on something, anything else.

“Whatever,” She mutters.

“The creature can track blood from a long-range which suggests advanced smell. It hovers, not walks which suggests a magical nature, however, it seems incapable of moving in a direct straight line. Which suggests some relation to a minotaur,” You list, “It went towards my stomach first which suggests the pincers are sharp enough to cut into and dig through the chest,”

“Excellent,” Phaethon grins, “Now draw it!”

You take the chalk he offers, moving towards the board and starting to draw. Everything starts to fall away when you do, everything narrows until it’s just you and the drawing, when you’re finally done, you blow away the stray chalk dust and step back, a smile on your face.

You take a seat on the ground, and that’s when you become aware of the eyes on you and your art looking at you and back up. You blush and try to find a place where they won’t look at you but know that it’s pointless. 

The lessons ended not soon after. Phaethon turns to you and Ginny a small smile on his face.

“Don’t think I’ve forgotten about last night,” He smirks, “You two are going to have to go further into the forest and find me eighteen leaves that match this,”

He presents you with a silver speckled, green leaf, shaped like a crude arrowhead. You take it, examining it closely before you realise what it is.

“Silveret?” You ask and Phaethon nods.

“Indeed,” He says, there’s a grin on his face, “By the way, the creature you saw? It can track your scent for several hours, better be careful,”

Then he walks away whistling smugly.

It takes you three hours to find the leaves, four or five times Ginny has to scare away the creature that stalks you. There’s a familiarity, something about it that you’re thinking about but can’t quite place your finger on.

“Hey, can we talk for a second?” Ginny asks.

“Sure,” You agree, a sinking feeling in your chest despite it. Ginny can’t seem to find the words though, the silence stretches out between you and then she breathes out.

“Do you know why Harry broke up with me?” Ginny asks, “He said he wanted to protect me, that being my boyfriend meant I was in danger. I… I hated him for it, but I feel like I’m starting to understand… I mean… look at what Phaethon did to your cheek and then he sent you out with that monster and-”

“And that has nothing to do with you. Ginny, the Carrows already know me even without you,” You tell her quietly, taking a seat beside her. You don’t want to talk about it, don’t want to admit what happened, to have to relive it. It’s four words but they feel impossible to say.

“Why would they care about you? I mean, you’re dangerous in dark arts but other than that -” Ginny starts and you stare at the ground. It’s too painful to say, so you settle for the half-truth.

“They killed my parents,” You answer, quietly.

Ginny’s silent for a long time and you feel your chest tighten. She’s going to be all weird about it now, and you’d rather she was anything but weird, looking at you like it’s the greatest tragedy in all the world; looking like your breakable, delicate, feeble, a coward.

There’s a faint clicking noise, and you don’t even think, pumped up on wanting to make Ginny see anything other than the girl whose parents are dead. The clicking picks up, and you see it, coming towards you, barreling in a straight line. There’s a sudden flash of familiarity like you know it, and then it tumbles, moving away from you. Ginny follows your gaze and moves to crouch before you, but you shake your head, a sudden feeling in your chest like you don’t need protection. Like it’s all going to be OK.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, StormCloud6 and mangoananas_1 and the guest that left a kudos. I kind of woke up this morning at around 7 and found myself just wanting to write, now, 13 hours later it's finally ready to post. 
> 
> Let me know if you like it, thank you for reading, and have a great week :)


	8. Taking her place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amycus is truly eviler than you give him credit for.

Your eyes slip shut, and you struggle to open them again. With a groan, you force your eyes open again, this was the only time you’d had to yourself in a week and you really wanted to read this book - Susana Moore had highly recommended it. It was about a wizard who got thrown into the sixteenth century, has to hide their magic and falls in love with a muggle - except you couldn’t be sure since the words kept floating. Your book finally slips from your hand as your eyes fall closed. You hear someone shuffling around, and then a soft blanket is thrown over you, and then someone tucks your book under your arm. That was the beautiful kindness of the people in the Hufflepuff Common Room.

When you next awoke, a crick was in your neck and sunlight was streaming through the window. Sam’s hands were on you, shaking you awake and with a groan, you pulled yourself up into a seated position.

“What do you want?” You ask, more aggressively than you intended. You both cringe, “Sorry, I just… Just woke up,”

“Yeah, no shit sherlock,” Sam says with a small smile. She looks down, looking perturbed, which is when you notice Leon is holding a cake in his hands.

“... What?” You ask, it wasn’t your birthday, so why was there a cake here.

“What we asked you to do, it wasn’t fair,” Sam states, as Leon brings the cake closer. Iced onto its surface were the words;  _ We’re so sorry!  _ The cake was made by Leon, there were frosted roses on its surface. It was a toffee cheesecake, your favourite.

“We should never have asked you to join the Inquisitorial Squad, it was wrong. I’m so sorry, we love you and we’ll stick by you whether you want to choose no side, the DA or the Inquisitorial squad. We’re here for you, we’ll always be at your side, that’s what we always promised,” Leon tells you and you smile, still feeling exhausted.

“Leon, Sam, you didn’t have to bake a cake or anything. I missed you,” You tell them with a smile, “And it’s fine. It’s completely fine. You were scared I get it,”

“Thank you, but it is. Trust me, we know what shits we’ve been. These people hurt you in a way we will never quite understand, this won’t make up for it. Not really, but I need you to see how much we care,” Leon says, setting the cake on your lap.

“Sweet,” You smile, “It looks delicious, but um… I just want to spend another twenty minutes sleeping because otherwise I’m going to pass out and this beauty is sliding to the floor,”

“Yeah, that I can believe. Come on, I’ll help you up, old woman,” Sam teases lightly, passing the cake to Leon before gripping your arm and lifting you to your feet. It’s not long before you’re in your bed fast asleep.

A couple of hours later, you get back up to find the cake beside you. You push yourself up into a seated position, just as the dormitory door opens and Sam locks eyes on you. Together, you descend to the common room, where you, Leon and Sam all eat cake for breakfast.

“What did you do without us, anyway?” Leon asks.

“Oh, I … uh… I mostly did school work and um… well, I hung out with that person I’ve been seeing,” You say awkwardly, skirting around the fact that the person in question was Ginny Weasley.

“Oh! So, are you going to tell us who this mystery man is then?” Sam asks, a grin on her face.

“Not yet,” You smile, “But I may be persuaded to tell you a few things,”

“Nice. What house is he in?” Sam asks.

“Gryffindor,” You answer, smiling slightly.

“What do you like about him?” Leon asks.

“He’s really caring, really brave, he’s just… I don't know. I really like him,” You tell them.

Sam smiles, “I like my fella too,”

“Wait, you’re dating someone?” You ask, and Sam smiles, taking Leon’s hand and making her point clear. You hug them both tightly, cheering, “FINALLY!”

The next morning brings nothing but mystery despite the happiness of the day prior. The Dark Arts classroom, predictably, is where your day becomes beyond awful. There’s a heavyweight on all of your shoulders when you enter the room, it’s not unusual for this lesson, but despite the walls, the class have formed nothing could prepare you for what was waiting.

Blonde hair was matted to the girls head, she was short, shaking and pale but you knew her. You hadn’t thought about her since the start of the term feast, you’d helped her with her homework once in a while and smiled at her whenever you spotted her in the halls but you’d barely seen her getting too wrapped up with your friends and your studies, Ginny and the DA, all sorts. But now Julia Allen, first year, was strung to the wall bloody, beaten, bruised and looking terrified.

“Ginny. Tell me, she’s going to be OK,” You whisper to her, Leon and Sam are too distracted to notice you leaning into her.

“I’m sorry,” Ginny whispers back and you know she’s apologising to more than just you, “We… no one… we didn’t know she was in the dungeons. He must have kept her here overnight,”

You stare into Amycus Carrow’s dark eyes and see something more unnerving than Julia Allen’s strung up body, a maniacal grin threatens to split his face and his dark eyes are full of darkness, unnerving evil. It’s terrifying, he’s terrifying. Worse than his eyes is the way he seems to enjoy the pain of Julia and the discomfort and shock of the class.

“We need to get out of here,” You tell Leon, there’s no way you can hurt her.

“No. Look, he’ll notice if you go, then it’ll be you up there,” Leon says.

“Today's class, we’ll-” Amycus starts but you shock yourself.

“Why is she here?” You demand and Amycus sighs, shaking his head and tutting.

“You’re supposed to be in silence, you know?” Amycus smiles, “But since she did endanger the school I suppose it’s only fair that you know what she did. This little bitch, snuck into my office, looked through student records - all of your personal information - pretending like she wants to find out about a couple of worthless mudbloods,”

“Well, she’s paid the price now. Let her go. She’s been through enough,” Ginny speaks up insistently.

“Well, that wouldn’t do. We need someone for the class to practice on,” Amycus smirks.

“So take me,” The words leave your mouth before you can even begin to consider or regret them. Leon grabs your shoulder, pushing you behind him protectively. A barrage of voices break out in the class, Ginny steps forward trying to plead that he takes her instead.

“Now, this is an entertaining prospect,” Amycus cackles as the voices rise, “Very well if Miss Y/L/N wishes to take Julia’s place then I shall allow it. This once,”

“What the hell are you thinking?” Leon curses.

“Look, put me under,” You whisper, lowering your voice even further.

“What?” Leon hisses.

“Look, under the curse, it numbs everything,” You remind him - you’d discovered that when you’d fallen down a flight of stairs while under the curse a day prior.

“Yeah, it numbs, but it doesn’t stop it. Not completely,” Leon hisses.

You hear Amycus sigh impatiently, voices are rising in the room, confusion, encouragement, discouragement.

“HURRY UP! You want to save the first year bitch, then you better get moving,” Amycus yells.

You move forwards, taking a deep breath. You hear it, like a whisper and then you have the uncomfortable feeling like hooks are sunk into your skin. A cloud forms in front of you, everything fades away, slips away leaving you feeling terrified, beyond terrified.  _ Walk.  _ You do, keep going. You feel something cold wrap around your wrists, and you fight against it, trying to go further.  _ Stay still.  _ You desist.

A hard pain smacks into you like someone struck you with a hammer. It burns through your shoulder, and you groan in pain, wrists straining against the restraints. Another spell strikes, and then another. Over and over. You cry out, not enough time to prepare for each. 

_ I NEED TO GET OUT!  _ You scream inside your head.  _ NEED TO GET OUT!  _ The cloud closes in on your suffocatingly, the same side of white as a pearl. Smoky, burning.  _ Relax.  _ Another blow struck.  _ TOO MUCH. TOO MUCH. NEED TO GET OUT.  _

There’s a flash of light, painful, burning your retinas. You slam your eyes shut, groaning. You blink twice, thrice, trying to clear your vision. You zone into Leon’s face, panicked, pale, white and then something hits you square.

Someone’s screaming. It’s horrible like it’s been ripped from their throat leaving their throat bloody and bleeding. There’s no time to care, your arms shake, quiver, your muscles scream like they’re about to be ripped from you and then it settles.

Another wave. You scream, scream, scream.

Someone undoes the fasteners, you smack to the ground and lay there shaking. A hand reaches out to touch you, but you flinch back feeling like someone stabbed you. Leon’s face swims into focus, he pulls his hand away hesitantly. Behind him, you see Ginny, her brown eyes filled with concern, in Ginny’s arms is Julia. Sam’s kneeled beside you.

You close your eyes, feeling drained. 

“Julia… what were you looking for?” You ask, quietly. There’s silence for a second and then she responds.

“I… Was looking for… I wanted to find my friend. He was… they took him. He never got home, I think they still have those kids, somewhere. I don’t know where,” Julia tells you. With a groan, you push yourself up.

“We told you not to ask questions,” Sam tells Julia, disapprovingly, “You need to stay safe,”

“I didn’t ask questions. I broke into his office! Besides, I’ve done it before, six or seven times, easily. It’s just my misfortune that he happened to be in it this time,” Julia mutters.

“You got into his office?” Ginny asks, interested.

“Yeah. It’s not that hard, I found a secret passage that leads directly in from the seventh floor. His bedroom charmed, I couldn’t break it, but I think there might be some more important files in that room,” Julia says, Ginny looks at her consideringly as you push yourself up. Leon’s hands hover around you, and you know it’s killing him that there’s not an inch of your skin he can touch to help you without hurting you.

“We should… move..” You breathe out, shakily. Ginny nods her head in agreement and starts walking out of the room. Leon and Sam wait, but you wave them on. Together the two start to walk, but Julia doesn’t move. You look down at her, a frown crossing your face.

“You OK?” You ask, breathlessly, reaching out to touch her.

“Don’t touch me,” Julia hisses at you, and you pause.

“I’m sorry?” You ask, with a frown.

“When I was in that office, I saw something. Your last name. Your real last name.” Julia hisses at you, ice fills your stomach, “Your a monster,”

“Julia-” You start, feeling sick, but she cuts you off.

“Don’t. Your secret’s safe, for now, you switched places with me and I’m thankful for that, but the first sign that you’re up to something, the first sign that we can’t trust you and your last name gets spread throughout this school faster than you can say Death Eater,” Julia spits. You close your eyes, inhaling deeply as Julia walks away.

Lavender finds you that evening before dinner.

“I heard what happened,” Lavender says, “You taking Julia’s place? That wasn’t the action of a coward,”

“Julia didn’t deserve it,” You answer, firmly.

“Nobody deserves it and I think you’re ready to fight back,” Lavender smiles.

“I don’t fight people, Lavender, I suck at-” You start but Lavender shakes her head.

“I’m not asking you to fight with your wand. I’m asking you to fight with your art. I saw what you did, using Cedric’s photo, your work had a reaction that nothing else we’ve done ever has. I think it’s time you replicated it,” Lavender smiles.

“Lavender…” You start but trail off.

“Look, you know it’s time,” Lavender says, “Just think it over,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it's late, life's been a bit hectic and I didn't have much time to write except for half of Friday and today. Thank you for reading and being patient, let me know what you think, and thank you to Katradora_kitkat for leaving a kudos. Everyone take care, stay safe and have a great week.


	9. Some Scars Don't Heal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a successful bit of espionage, things get heated between you and Ginny.

Your muscles tensed as you slipped behind the black metal of a statue, you crouched low, body curled into the dark. Footsteps crept closer, you focused on breathing slowly and inaudible like Lavender taught you, you watched as Draco Malfoy swaggered past. Your hand itches towards your wand, but you stilled yourself, you weren’t here for him, besides you didn't need the complications of hiding a body.

He turns the corner, and you wait fifteen seconds before creeping along the corridor. You lay low beside the statue of some famous wizard body running with adrenaline. Five minutes. You had a total of five minutes before someone would see you crouched by the wall, according to Lavender and Parvati’s report.

“Turpis Pinge,” You whisper. Gold paint bursts from your wand, focusing on the faces. You switch colours, outlining their faces, you feel yourself lulled into a false sense of security by the mixture of magic and your love of art.

Colin Creevey appears on the wall, his arm wrapped around his little brother. You switch to red paint.

_ Colin and Dennis Creevey. _

_ Missing _ .

_ Ages 15 and 13. _

Footsteps come towards you, your heart leaps to your throat, and you scan the area desperate for a place to hide. Someone suddenly grabs you from behind, you feel a scream almost burst out of your throat, but someone shoves their hand over your mouth. You try to avoid the shake of fear as the unknown stranger pulls you down into a crouch.

You watch, as Illiah Black marches past you, her eyes don’t stray to your hiding spot, and you breathe out a sigh of relief when she turns the corner and leaves. The figure moves away from you, steps out and looks at the wall with a smile slowly spreading across their face until it could almost split it apart.

“Parvati,” You whisper, and she turns to look at you.

“You’re really skilled, aren’t you,” Parvati grins, “It’s perfect,”

“You saved me,” You blurt out, “Thank you,”

“Yeah, well… you’re one of us now. I might not like it, but we look out for each other, and besides, you can’t report to Ginny’s meeting if you’re being hauled in front of the Carrows,” Parvati tells you, she still doesn’t quite trust you, but you get the feeling things will get better.

“Where too?” You ask, and Parvati grabs your hand.

“Follow me,” She orders, leading you up a flight of stairs, around a corner, up another flight, up and up and up until you land in the bell tower. 

A table is set up with papers and documents, and Ginny shifts through them, brow furrowed and yet the epitome of calm when she finally looks up with a smirk. Two others stand with her, Luna to the left and Neville to the right, discussing in quiet tones. Seamus is staring out the huge glass face of the clock with a look of wonder on his face. Lavender leans against a pillar with a smile on her face, Parvati quickly crosses to be near her.

“Hey, how did it go?” Ginny asks, in the time you’ve spent observing the room she’s snuck up behind you, her arms wrapping around your waist. She rests her head on your shoulder, and you relax back against her.

“It was OK, Parvati had to save me but I got finished in time,” You tell her.

“It’s amazing Ginny, better than any of us ever could’ve done. It’s beautiful,” Parvati smiles.

“Damn, you must mean it, you don’t give praise lightly,” Ginny says with a smile, “But I don’t doubt it for a minute, you’re amazing _. We’ll celebrate together tonight, _ ”

Someone clears their throat, and Ginny sighs, stepping away from you and heading towards the table from the way she glares at Neville you’re guessing it was him.

“The Sword Of Gryffindor is in Severus Snape’s office, intel suggests the sword’s an artifact that may prove useful to Harry, Ron and Hermione in the fight against Voldermort,” Neville announces.

“Can it? And how are we getting it to them?” Parvati asks, sceptically.

“There’s a spell, and Meorpe agreed to help us out,” Luna answers, voice dreamy.

_ Meorpe _ you see Seamus mouth to Lavender.  _ An owl, I think  _ Lavender mouths back.

“The sword can destroy most things, Harry seems to be looking for something that belongs to Voldermort, either a weapon or an artifact. Something he needs. If he doesn’t have it then we stand a better chance of defeating him,” Another voice explains you turn your head to see someone sat at another desk quill scratching furiously, it looks like… Parvati? But…?

“Padma,” Luna breathes out, an ecstatic smile temporarily splitting her face. Eyes slip to her, and you see the blonde-haired girl go completely pink as she looks down at the papers in front of her.

“Right… as Padma said. Now for the plan of how we’re to get the sword. Parvati, did you get the password for the Headmasters office?” Ginny asks.

“Levicorpus,” Parvati answers, “I had the Tinkers have a look, and it’s a non-verbal spell that suspends someone from their ankles. The creator is-”

“Severus Snape himself, sometime during his Hogwarts days,” Ginny answers.

“I didn’t have that information. Do you know any more of these spells?” Padma asks black spectacles rest on her face, as she writes.

“I… Later, some of these spells are really dark,” Ginny answers, a pale look crossing her face, “I don’t want to find them used ever again,”

“Fine,” Padma agrees, “We’ll leave it for now,”

Someone coughs, and Ginny sighs.

“Right, yes. We need a moment when Severus Snape is out of his office, recently, he’s been in his office most of the time but he seems to be coming down for dinner every Thursday which means it’s our time to try. We’ll give it a week's notice but I think we finally found the distraction we need,” Ginny answers.

“What am I blowing up?” Seamus asks, an excited smile on his face.

“NO! I mean… not yet. I was thinking of a spree of art,” Ginny smiles.

“You mean… me…” You whisper, your stomach sinking.

“Right. So, Y/N is in charge of the distraction, what do you need us for?” Seamus asks, seeming far glummer now.

“Lookouts, if you see Severus Snape tell him that there’s been another Graffiti attack in one of the seven places I’ve chosen. Y/N, you’ll have five minutes at every place, but we’ll need to be quick and you lot are going to have to measure the time very carefully,” Luna informs them.

“So you’re sending Snape after me while you go into his office,” You say, voice shaking. Ginny’s eyes shoot to you, and you bite your lip hard to try to seem somewhat OK, not wanting to appear afraid.

“Yes. Meanwhile, me, Ginny and Luna will break in and get the sword,” Neville answers.

“Why are you taking Luna?” Padma asks, sounding panicked, “She’s not a field operative,”

“No, but she's the head of the Tinkers and right now we don’t know what protective barriers might be around the sword,” Ginny answers, “If anyone can break through them, Luna can,”

“Just… look after her,” Padma says, shyly. She looks towards her sister, who makes a kissy kissy face at her until Lavender elbows her in the ribs.

“We will do Padma,” Ginny promises, “She’s like a sister to me, I won’t let her come to harm. Now then, any other orders of business?”

“We need more Snargaluff pods, more Speckled Rose leaves, Pixie wings and imps breath,” Luna lists.

“Parvati?” Ginny asks.

“I’ll pass it on to Ethan,” Parvati sighs, “He’s much better at filling requisitions than I am,”

“Fair enough. How’s Julia doing?” Ginny asks.

“She’s doing well and actually updated some of our techniques. It’s hard to put a specific place for her, she’s a kid so I worry for her but she’s extremely talented,” Lavender explains.

“Is there no middle ground?” Neville asks.

“I’ll keep looking, for now, I have her working on relaying all the information she has. She’s ambitious and ready but she’s a kid,” Lavender answers.

“We need someone strong in the field, the Carrows are going to hurt her regardless,” Ginny insists.

“Oh come on, Ginny, she’s a kid,” Neville insists.

“Yeah, an extremely talented one,” Ginny points out.

“Are you insane-” Neville starts, Ginny looks angry for a moment but Luna interrupts.

“Give Julia the choice,” Luna suggests. Ginny and Neville both pause, considering the option and then look towards Lavender.

“That seems like the best option, I guess, it’s her neck she’s risking. It should be her choice, I’ll inform her of the risks and we’ll work from there,” Lavender offers, Ginny nods her head in assent.

“Anything else?” Ginny asks.

“Recruit numbers have bolstered, none are ready to take over as trainers so it’s still just me and Seamus teaching but our force is starting to look up,” Neville smiles, and a round of applause starts to fill the room.

“It’s still only thirty students compared to the four-hundred and fifty-six total members of Hogwarts including the teachers. However, we are still outnumbered two to one by Inquisitorial forces and other objects under the headmaster's command,” Padma says, stating the true statistics, “Our numbers were most bolstered after the Cedric Diggory memorial, however, our current recruitment rate is on average one person every three days. On the flip side, with the new Creevey brother memorial, I predict at least four new recruits by morning,”

“Thanks, Padma,” Parvati says sarcastically.

“Thank you Padma,” Luna repeats, without the sarcasm.

“I think that’s it. Parvati, can you escort Luna and Padma?” Ginny asks, “Lavender can you get Seamus and Neville, and I’ll get Y/N?”

“Oh, I bet you will,” Seamus snickers.

“Have fun you two,” Lavender calls.

“But not too much fun,” Parvati says with a giggle. Ginny’s face goes a brilliant red colour, and you feel your cheeks glowing as they all creep out.

“Like you can talk,” Ginny mutters.

“Ginny, protection spells, T-” Padma starts, only for Ginny to turn an even deeper shade of red and push her out of the door to a chorus of heavy laughs.

“Sorry,” Ginny apologises, slamming the door to the bell tower shut, and pressing her back against the wooden door.

“What was that spell?” You tease and Ginny goes an even deeper red as you edge your way towards her. You watch as her breath hitches in her throat, her pupils are blown wider the closer you get to her, you run a hand up her arm until you’re cupping her jaw. You edge closer, pressing your other arm against the door to support yourself as Ginny slides her fingers into your waistband, pulling you closer until your bodies are pressed up against each other. You feel a burn starting in your stomach and working it’s way down.

“Not so cocky now, are you?” Ginny smirks, she presses a kiss to your lips, mouth opening. Her body pushes against you and you feel pressure close. Your hands slide down her back until you can pull her closer. Ginny grabs you, and you both tumble back awkwardly until you're on the hard stone floor, her hand reaches out, struggling with the buttons until finally, your blouse springs open. 

Ginny pauses, pulling back for a second and staring down at you. She doesn’t say anything for a moment, and you feel your heart thumping in your chest as the beginnings of embarrassment start to hit.

“You’re beautiful,” Ginny whispers, running her hand over the exposed flesh of your stomach, running her hand up and up until her hands just beneath your bra. She reaches out, but pauses, looking into your eyes. You nod, gulping slightly, Ginny’s hand reaches out, running her hand over your breast you gasp slightly feeling the heat in your core. She reaches out, hand tracking towards your back and reality hits you like a sack of bricks.

You shove her away, and do up your blouse, feeling Ginny’s eyes on you. She shifts back a little, giving you some space.

“Are you OK?” Ginny asks, sounding nervous, “I’m sorry, was that too-”

“No, no, I’m sorry, I just… I can’t,” You whisper, looking away. Ginny reaches out, tentatively taking your hand. You stare at it, watching as it creeps around yours and then joins yours. You stare at the short but immaculate nails and then you finally squeeze it.

“Not that you need a reason, but… is there one?” Ginny asks.

“I just… I’m scared about… stuff. I have some… stuff,” You try to answer, but struggle, “My back’s a little scarred and my chest though I don’t think you saw them,”

“I didn’t, but I’d think they were beautiful, everything about you is -” Ginny starts but you cut her off.

“Not this. This, they, they aren’t. Trust me and they have too many bad memories attached that I’d much rather forget,” You tell her.

“I get it,” Ginny promises, reaching out to touch your arm but you throw it off.

“No. You don’t.” You tell her, “And I don’t want you to,”

“Right,” Ginny agrees, hand falling to her side. You sit there in silence for a while, a wall forming between you that you don’t know how to break down. Your wall. Ginny still trying to be open. But it took Sam and Leon a year to break down that barrier.

Ginny helps you back to your dorm, you feel like crying, you feel like nothings OK, you feel sick. Ginny pauses outside the door, she looks at you hopefully, wanting to make things right like it’s her fault.

“Goodnight,” You say, unable to meet her eyes.

“Goodnight,” Ginny whispers.

You make your way up the stairs, to find Sam sat on her bed waiting for you.

“How was it?” Sam asks, you sit down heavily on the bed beside her and stare down at the dusty ground. You’d told Sam and Leon about you joining the DA when they’d tried to work out who created the Cedric Diggory memorial when Leon had mentioned your name as a possibility you hadn’t been able to lie convincingly enough and ended up coming clean. Sam hadn’t liked it so much, but she’d forgiven you soon after.

“The Creevey Brothers memorial is up and I didn’t get caught,” You answer, Sam reaches out and looks at you.

“So what’s up?” Sam asks.

“I - Well… Remember that…. guy I told you about-” You start but Sam cuts in.

“He didn’t hurt you did he? Because I swear-” Sam starts but you shake her head.

“No. No, nothing like that. S-he didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just… We were kissing and things got a bit heated and s-he started trying to take my blouse off and I panicked and… I just… I can’t… I won’t stop thinking about it. It’s just there, all surfacing, everything,” You answer breath shaking.

“You don’t have to be ashamed of them or-” Sam starts.

“I’M NOT ASHAMED! I worked past it. I know it wasn’t my fault, OK, they made me say it three thousand times just to make the message  _ really _ stick! I just… I don’t want to remember what they did to me. OK?” You ask, voice breaking, “They were supposed to love us…”

“They were monsters,” Sam reminds you.

“No, they were human,” You tell her, “They were so, so human,”

“They’re dead. They never get to hurt you again,” Sam tells you, grabbing your hand insistently.

“No. I know. But I don’t want her to know, OK? I don’t want her to know what I went through, who I am. I just… I wish I never had to remember or live like that. But I did and I still live like that every time I see myself in a mirror. I hate this, I hate it, OK?” You tell her, “And I don’t want things to change, and they will if she knows. I don’t want her to know. I don’t want to have to talk about it again or think about it. It’s over. Why can’t it just be over?”

“It is over. It’s OK. And… maybe you’ll tell her one day, maybe you won’t but either way, it’s OK. It’s hard, I know. I’m here, Leon’s here, we’ll stay here for you no matter what, I promise,” Sam tells you, pulling you close. Her arms wrap around you and she rocks you back and forth until you finally feel less like someone shoved a stack of bricks on top of you and more like someone shoved two.

“By the way… her?” Sam asks you freeze and Sam runs her hand through your hair.

“Hey, hey, look, it’s OK. I don’t care whether you’re with a girl or a boy or a person so long as you’re happy and safe and they treat you well. I love you, nothing’s ever going to change that,” Sam promises. You let out a sigh of relief and Sam smiles, still stroking your hair softly and rocking you back and forth until you slip away.

You tell Leon the next morning - Sam’s not great at keeping secrets.

“Oh, that, yeah I knew. I saw who was walking past that time. Ginny Weasley huh, you’ve got good taste, if you like idiots,” Leon grins.

Sam smacks him in the shoulder.

“Leave the house rivalry out of this,” Sam orders.

“Fine, fine, she’s hot,” Leon tells you, and Sam smacks him again.

“OI!” Sam says and Leon giggles.

“But of course I only have eyes for you,” Leon promises. Sam smiles, blushes and presses a kiss to his cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, thank you to wiredtines for leaving a kudos and two others. Also thank you to km for leaving the first comment! Thank you so much to everyone, I'm hopeful and glad that you're enjoying it. Thank you. I'll add another chapter Saturday, stay safe and have a great week.


	10. Fae

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When a mission doesn't go to plan, someone emerges from the shadows and a hard truth gets revealed.

"Everyone ready?" Ginny asks you're all crouched down behind the statue of the one-eyed witch. A student patters past on his way to dinner, and everyone holds their breath, but he passes by not looking towards your hiding place. You let out a sigh of relief and see Parvati smirk out of the corner of your eye.

"Ready and raring to go," Seamus says with a smirk, his face alight with mischief.

"And you'll be careful?" Ginny asks, her eyes falling on you, making you itch under your collar.

"Yes," You reply shortly, not meeting her eyes, hand finding the long, thin, bumpy scar on your right side. Ginny's eyes fill with hurt, and you feel like you're going to suffocate under bricks and mortar.

"OK, remember-" Ginny starts but Parvati cuts in a smirk on her face.

"Five minutes max on each picture," Parvati recites mockingly, "And don't get caught,"

"She'll be fine, Sentinel, I trained her myself," Lavender smiles, "She's got this,"

"Right," Ginny agrees, but everything seems just slightly off-kilter, "Everyone. Stay safe, take care and watch out for each other,"

"We will do, we always do," Parvati promises.

"Oh yeah, these two would kill me if I let anything happen to the other," Seamus chuckles, gesturing between Parvati and Lavender.

"Oh yeah, that reminds me, Padma wanted me to tell you to take good care of Luna," Parvati says with a smirk.

"Oh, dear Merlin, someone tell me that operation get those two idiots together is going to happen soon," Ginny groans. Lavender looks towards Parvati hopefully.

"Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, please, I don't want to interfere with my sister love life again!" Parvati protests, "Once was traumatic enough,"

"Please?" Lavender begs, laying her head back on Parvati's shoulder and curling into her side. Parvati's resolve crumbles, and she sighs, tipping her head forwards.

"Fine, but you owe me," Parvati groans and Lavender smirks.

"Oh trust me, I'll pay you back," Lavender promises, running her hand over Parvati's leg, making the girl blush bright red, "Bye!"

Parvati's still a blushing mess as Lavender heads off towards her post. Seamus coughs something into his hand that sounds suspiciously like; whipped.

"Please like you're any better when it comes to Dean," Parvati points out, and a slight flush fills Seamus' cheeks.

"Yes, yes, you're all loved up, but we have a mission to do," Ginny says, impatiently. Recently, her fuse has been short, and no one's under any false impressions of who's fault it is. You see Parvati bite back a retort, her eyes slipping to you before her battle-mask appears wiping away her softness. Seamus and Parvati both head off to their posts, leaving you alone with Ginny.

"Hey, about-" Ginny starts, but you cut her off.

"I've got to get going, we don't have a lot of time," You tell her firmly.

"Right," Ginny replies hollowly. Her eyes look down, and for a moment you think she's just avoiding meeting your eyes until you follow her gaze to where you're still feeling the bumpy scarred skin. She reaches out, her hand running along your side, "Is there one here?"

"I need to go," You tell her firmly, pushing her hand away. You don't look back as you make your way towards the dungeons passageways.

The picture would be the most insulting, the one that would get the Carrows most riled up and send them out for blood. You'd never actually paid much attention to this girl - you'd had to get a picture from Ginny - but you'd practised, and you were confident that you could paint the bookworm. 

It takes you four minutes for Hermione Granger to take form on the dungeon wall, and it's lucky because seconds later Amycus Carrow marches past and it's all you can do to stay quiet and hope he doesn't notice you crouched down at the bend in the stairs. His eyes lock onto the picture, and a fantastic red flush races up his neck until he's bright red and almost foaming at the mouth in anger. 

Anger directed at you.

A sudden nervousness creeps through you, and you know you can't stay here. You need to move. Slowly and quietly, you move down a corridor branching off from the stairs, praying that you'll be able to find a flight of stairs leading up to the third floor where Alecto Carrow's room was. 

"WHEN I GET AHOLD OF YOU," Amycus suddenly yells out, as your pushing against a wooden door, "I'LL-"

CREEEEEEEEAK

You don't move your eyes slip closed your eyes as dread fills your system. Footsteps pound up the stairs, and you wait for Amycus to appear.

"You-" Amycus starts, but someone sprints out into the hallway.

"Catch me if you can!" They yell out. A thunderous expression fills Amycus' face, and he chases after the fleeing figure. Someone grabs your arm, dragging you through the door and slamming you into the ground.

"Parvati-" You start, but she cuts you off.

"Listen to me, Lavender can't keep him away for long, either he'll catch her or she'll give him the slip. Either way, it doesn't matter anymore," Parvati says, "I need you to do something,"

"What do you need?" You ask.

"Snape's in his office. I need you to go warn the others," Parvati says.

"What are you going to do?" You ask.

"I can't let Lavender face him alone, he's not getting his hands on her," Parvati vows, a dark look crossing her face.

"Good luck," You tell her.

"I won't need it," Parvati promises.

You slip out of the room, nodding once to each other before heading on your separate missions. The staircase to the Headmasters Office is still there when you arrive. You race up the stairs crouching low when you hit the landing.

The room's dark, not just within its contents but like nobody has felt the need to turn a light on in centuries. You can barely make them out, but you see them, crouched low in the darkness, gathered around a glass display case.

"Snape's in here," You whisper, and Ginny turns her head, locking onto your small figure. A slightly panicked look fills her eyes before she replaces it with a false layer of calm.

"Luna, Neville," Ginny says quietly but clearly, "We need to leave. Now,"

"But-" Luna starts.

"Now," Ginny hisses back, before grabbing ahold of her friend arm and yanking her towards you. There's an almighty clamour at Neville and Luna head towards you, and behind them, you can see Ginny face-palm. You try to go slowly down the stairs, hoping that the slower pace might cause them to move more quietly. Alas, no such luck. Against your better judgement, you hurry up - if you couldn't get them out quietly, then you'd settle for quickly.

"YOU!" A voice cries out when you appear outside of the office; you push Neville back with a hand to his chest, he pauses as you step out and present yourself to the Carrow and you let out a breath of relief. At least you wouldn't all be going down for this, "Tell me you weren't just up there,"

"I wasn't just up there," You answer blandly, meeting Phaethon's anger unflinchingly, not intentionally just not sure what else to say.

"THAT'S IT! FOLLOW ME! MY OFFICE, NOW!" Phaethon roars, marching ahead. You turn your head to see a pale look on Luna's face while Neville practically has Ginny in a choke-hold to try and avoid her doing something stupid in an attempt to rescue you, "COME!"

Taking a shaking breath in, you follow after him, running your hand over the scar on your side while the feeling that something very, very, bad was going to happen threatened to eat you alive. Up one flight, two flights, three flights, four, until your outside a stone section.

"Verum Sui," Phaethon whispers, and a wooden door appears in the wall. He pushes it open and steps to the side, ushering you through first, unwillingly, but without any real choice, you enter. He quickly moves around until he's sat behind a marble desk covered with various long and sharp objects.

"Take a seat," He orders, but the adrenaline in your system makes you stand your ground.

"What are you going to do to me?" You ask, and a look that could've almost been sadness fills Phaethon's face.

"Nothing. We're family," Phaethon says, shaking his head, "I've missed you, little sister,"

"No, no, no, no, NO!" You yell at him, hands shaking, "You don't get to call me that anymore, Fae, we aren't family. You tossed me aside!" 

"I had to!" Fae yells back, "You don't understand-"

"Yeah, you're right. I don't understand. I don't understand why blood purity took priority over your sister. You promised me I could get to know you! You weren't around for the first five years of my life, and then you just showed up, and like an idiot, I believed you when you said we could be a family!" You yell back.

"I know. And we can, I want to be. I wanted to be. I had to do something, believe me, everything I've done, everything I tried to do was for you. Because you mean the world to me, you're my little sister, and I wanted to keep you safe," Fae tells you, desperation creeping in.

"I never wanted you to kill anyone! I never wanted you to be my saviour! I just wanted you!" You tell him.

"I know, but I was trying. I tried so hard, and I thought I could do it, I had almost done it, and then - well, you know what's said about the best-laid plans," Phaethon sighs.

"OK, let's talk," You sigh, settling across from him, "You can explain, and I'll listen,"

"Really?" Fae asks, hopefully.

"Really," You agree.

*********  
"Do you understand why I did it now?" Fae asks, and you nod your head feeling numb.

"You would've taken me in?" You whisper, "I'd never have had to-"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I failed you, I'm sorry for everything," Fae apologises.

"Including setting a beast on me?" You ask, and Fae grimaces slightly.

"Not my proudest hour, but I was hoping you'd realise that the DA are bad news," Fae sighs, "You're going to get hurt,"

"I've already been hurt. I can take a little more," You answer firmly.

"Can you take dying? Can you take losing one of your friends? Can you take killing someone?" Fae probes insistently.

"I'm hoping it won't come to that," You answer but Fae shakes his head.

"Don't be naive," Fae tells you, "Everyone's prepping for war. At least tell me why you're joining the DA, and if your sole reason is that pretty girl then you'd better hope both Potter and Voldy kick the bucket because you won't get your happy ending any other way,"

"No. I won't do it, because I don't want to become them. I don't want to become someone I'm not; this is the only way to save myself in a real way. I am not a body, I am a person," You answer, and Fae sighs sinking back in his chair.

"Your logic is appalling, but I'll applaud your conviction," He sighs, rocking back and forth in his chair seeming to be considering something, "When it does come to a fight, I'm going to guess you're pretty awful at magic hmm?"

"I- yes," You answer, feeling ashamed, only to feel a sharp kick in your leg. You lift your head to see Fae staring back at you.

"Don't do that. Trust me, you being awful at magic isn't your fault, it's to do with your memory," Fae sighs, "Let me explain. You've lived through dark times and as such your magic is naturally more prone to darker spells. How do you fuel your spells?"

"I-I just try and cast them," You answer uncomfortably.

"I see. Look, f you want to hurt people, you need to fuel your magic with hate and fear. But if you don't want to hurt anyone; then you need to fuel your magic with love and happiness. Your happy memories, the people you love, take that passion when you're trying to cast dark spells and it'll fail, but if you try to cast light spells you'll get much further," Fae says, before standing up and leaving his desk, "Come,"

"What?" You ask as Fae moves to stand against the wall.

"I'm going to prove it to you. Try thinking about something or someone that makes you happy and try casting on me," Fae says, seemingly without care of being hurt.

"No!" You protest, and your brother seems almost confused.

"Why?" Fae asks, tilting his head slightly.

"Because I don't want to hurt you," You reply, exasperated.

"I trust you," Fae says with an easy smile.

"Well, you shouldn't," You insist.

"You're my little sister, I wouldn't trust you not to steal my sugar quill supply, but I trust you not to try and hurt me, and that's good enough for me," Fae says, with a smile, "Come on, let's get in some family bonding,"

"You know when most people try bonding they go play Quidditch, throw a ball around? Talk to each other?" You remind him, only for Fae to roll his eyes with a sigh.

"Well, the Carrows were never your typical family," Fae says shrugging, "Now come on, just cast a slicing hex if you're that scared,"

"I-" You start.

"Just do it," Fae tells you, "I can take it, and I know several healing charms for if things get to be too hard,"

With a sigh, you finally nod your head.

"Int-" You start but Fae cuts you off.

"Remember to think of someone you love," Fae orders. You nod.

"Interficiam," You cast, thinking of Sam. A cut appears on Fae's face, spanning the length of his jaw to his lined forehead. He grits his teeth, letting out a wince of pain.

"I said loved, not hated," Fae hisses.

"I do love her!" You protest and Fae sighs, "Just try someone else, and remember to try using a memory of them you love,"

"Interficiam," You cast, thinking of Leon baking you a cheesecake to apologise. Fae hisses, as the cut appears on his arm too long and too large.

"Jesus," He mutters, casting a spell to heal it up, "Again,"

"Interficiam," You cast, thinking of your nan's pranks. Then you try again, thinking of your dad. No improvement. It just won't get any smaller.

"OK, OK, stop. Think of someone else you love," Your brother orders.

"I just ran through Sam, Leon, my dad and my nan, who else is there?" You ask.

"Ouch! Rude, what about me? Or that girl you're so obsessed with?" Fae asks, and you wince, "Is this about me? Or did something happen with her?"

"Both. Her. I guess," You sigh, "Well more me than her-"

"Slow down, tell me what happened," Fae orders, and the back of your mind mutters that he really does live up to the bossy older brother stereotype.

"We... we were um..." You trail off, feeling embarrassed about telling your brother the intimate details of your love life, Fae rolls his eyes.

"Look, I know you're not a kid anymore. You're going to be making out with people and, urgh, other - stuff," Fae grunts out.

"Right. Well, we were, uh, kissing, and she was, uh, about to take my blouse off, and I freaked out, and now we haven't talked in a week," You answer awkwardly,

"Wow. You really aren't great with relationships, are you?" Fae chuckles, "Even if Voldy and Potter cark it, you might end up alone anyway with that level of emotional constipation. So what's the issue? Why aren't you speaking? Did you not want your shirt off? Because you weren't ready or because-"

"Because my back is full of scars and I don't want to have to answer her questions about where they came from," You tell him, and Fae frowns, crossing his arms and perching on the edge of a chest of drawers.

"Would she?" He asks, shaking his head, "Even if you specifically told her you don't want to have to talk about it, would she respect that? And if you aren't, then why are you wasting time on her?"

"Because I like her!" You answer exasperatedly, sinking onto the edge of his desk, "And you think I'm the emotionally constipated one,"

"So? Sometimes there might be someone better waiting just around the corner. What about your friend Sam-?" Fae starts.

"She's like a sister! Besides, she had a boyfriend!" You protest.

"What about Leon-" Fae starts.

"Like a brother to me and dating Sam," You groan, covering your head.

"Damn, you're just one big incestuous family, huh?" Fae says sarcastic and amused.

"Oh come on, anyone trying to keep the pureblood status is basically trying to go to bed with their distant cousin," You point out dismissively.

"And some of them not even that distant," Fae agrees, you let out a snort of laughter, and he grins back at you, "Hey, do you want to know how closely related the Weasleys and the Carrows-"

"Don't you dare! I really don't want to be grossed out," You tell him firmly.

"Fair enough," Fae grins, years of his life seeming to slip away, "You know you really can't be sure how she'll react until you ask her,"

"Hey Ginny, I have huge scars on my front and back but don't ask me anything about them," You reply sarcastically.

"How about.... Look about my scars? Shut up," Fae suggests, "Or else they'll never find your-"

"Hey! Great advice let's not give death threats to people we like," You suggest.

"-wand," Fae finishes, before letting out a delighted giggle, "You thought-"

"So, anyway, are you dating anyone?" You ask.

"Me? Honey, I'm surrounded by murderers, I don't think that those are prime dating conditions," Fae says, shaking his head with amusement.

"OK, but you aren't right now," You point out.

"Funnily enough, I was never that fond of grab a granny night," Fae replies drily, "So I think I'll give McGonagal a swerve,"

"Well... Hogsmead?" You offer.

"Right because non-death eater people want to date death eaters," Fae replies sarcastically.

"Well... some people like a bad boy," You tease, only to see him shake his head and shudder.

"Nope. No thanks," Fae replies firmly, "I don't need an idiot. Oh, and do me a favour, you meet a bad boy you run in the opposite direction,"

"What if it's a bad girl," You ask, dragging it out mockingly.

"Well then save her for me," Fae says, "Just kidding. Run,"

"Jeeze, so bossy," You sigh.

"Yep," Fae replies, popping the 'p', "Now then, report back here for Saturday detention and in the meantime talk to Ginny,"

"Fine," You agree despite the feeling that things won't go well, "But you have to promise not to leave the castle until then. I don't want to lose the brother I just got back,"

"I promise. I'll stay in the castle, as long as you remember that outside of this office-" Fae starts, but you cut him in.

"You're a Carrow, and I'm a Y/L/N. We despise each other," You tell him, and Fae nods his head in a sad agreement.

"Yeah," He agrees, "It's for the best,"

"Agreed, I don't want to be a Carrow," You tell him firmly.

"Don't worry, you're far too good to be a Carrow," Fae agrees, with a small smile, "I'm proud of you,"

You're up early the next morning, heading off towards the Gryffindor common room, hoping to run into Ginny but catching Lavender instead.

"Hey, are you OK?" Lavender asks, "You didn't tell them anything, did you?"

"No, they didn't get anything from me," You promise her, "Are you OK? Did Amycus catch you?"

"I managed to give him the slip, and then had to double-back and rescue Parvati," Lavender explains, an affectionate twinkle in her eye.

"Glad you both got away safely," You smile, "Uh, have you seen Ginny around?"

"She's headed near the dungeons, keep an eye out for potential new recruits, Padma predicted a rise because of your picture," Lavender explains, "So at least some good came from yesterday,"

"Thank you," You tell her, making your way downstairs until you're in front of the Hermione Granger picture you created. You stand stuck for a moment, but a hand reaches out and pulls you behind a suit of armour with her.

"Hey," Ginny says, "I hope you were looking for me, or else this is going to be extremely awkward,"

"No. I was, I think we need to talk," You say, sighing slightly, nerves shaking you. Ginny doesn't meet your eyes staring straight ahead toward the memorial, "Ginny?"

"Sorry, look it's OK, but if we're over, please just tell me. I want to help you, and I want to do anything I can for you, but if what you need is space then-" Ginny starts, but you cut her off.

"That's not it. I just - I'm scarred Ginny, I have so many scars, but I don't want to think about how these scars happened. I - I don't want things to change, I want to be a girl you like and who likes you back," You tell her, looking away as you struggle with your words.

"Hey," Ginny says, her voice soft, you turn to look at her and see her eyes full of emotion, "Nothing has to change. The scars don't change anything for me. I'll admit that I want to know but if it takes you one month, one year or even forever to tell me then it's OK,"

You let out a sigh of relief, and Ginny smiles, pulling you into her arms and sighing slightly.

"I'm just so glad that I'm not losing you, I missed you like hell this whole week," Ginny whispers as the familiar smell of cinnamon and spice fills your senses.

"Me too," You sigh in relief. Ginny pulls you even closer to her, and you smile, holding her even tighter to you as you both let go of all the anxiety and tension you'd carried with you that week.

"Can we stay like this forever?" Ginny sighs before a sudden rush of warmth fills her cheeks. You smile, nuzzling into her neck.

"Yes please," You agree whispering it in her ear and feeling her relax again.

"Actually, I'm afraid you can't. We have muggle studies," A voice from behind calls. You groan, turning your head to send Leon a look that would make stone shake.

"Hey! Just being practical!" Leon protests, raising his hands.

"Let's skip and spend the day cuddling," Ginny suggests.

"And spend our evening in detention? No, I can think of a much better way to spend an evening," You tell her, behind you, there's the sound of fake puking, and you feel your face start to burn.

"I think that's known as too much information," Sam groans.

"Not like that!" You protest, "Well, not exactly like that,"

"Not exactly like that?" Ginny whispers in your ear.

"Well the way I see it, you've seen what's under my shirt, but I haven't seen under yours. Seems rather unfair," You whisper, rendering Ginny's face completely red. You grin, pressing a kiss to one of her burning cheeks and racing after Leon and Sam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoop! Two updates in two days! Thank you for reading, let me know what you think, see you Saturday. Take care, see you soon :)


	11. Inheritance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sudden discussion of inheritance leaves you feeling panicked, and some hard truths come out.

"Again," Fae orders, a myriad of cuts already on his face and arms. You want to protest, but the stubborn look on his face tells you that he won't budge. With a small sigh, you summon the pride you'd felt for Leon the previous morning.

**_ SNAP OUT OF IT!  _ A voice orders, it echoes inside your head like the twang of a fork against a wine glass. Bit by bit the illusion shatters; the smell of cinnamon and spice, the weightless feeling in your chest, the warmth surrounding you like hot chocolate on a cold day. **

** "What happened?" You ask, sinking to the ground, temporarily stunned. Leon rushes towards you, pulling you into his arms, a mixture of concern and the need to share this moment with someone motivating him. **

** "I-I think I got it to work. You didn't break out, so I had to break you out," Leon says breathlessly, "I... I can save my uncle," **

The cut that appears on Fae's face is long but thin and shallow like he's lost a fight to an over-ambitious sheet of paper. A look of delight spreads across his face. He beams at you, pride shining clearly in his eyes.

"I knew you could do it," He smiles, moving to his drawer and pulling out a Healing Potion. He downs it in one, wincing as it goes down. Once it's finished, he shakes his head and sticks out his tongue hissing slightly.

"Urgh, that's disgusting," Fae gags, as his skin knits itself back together.

"Still haven't learned how to take your medicine like a good boy," You tease, lightly and see him roll his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah. You know, it's lucky I'm the school's animal healer or me having these potions would be suspicious," Fae says with a small sigh, sinking into the chair.

"OH! You're a vet!" You yell the sharp objects on his desk, finally, making perfect sense.

"Yes, what did you think these were for?" Fae asks, gesturing to his desk, "On second thoughts, don't answer that,"

You run your hand over your side, nervously and he sighs.

"I'm not Amycus or Alecto. I don't want to hurt people, OK?" Fae asks, desperately, you nod your head and Fae sighs.

"What?" You ask. Fae starts fiddling with the end of his ponytail, struggling with something before finally letting out a sigh.

"I-I need to talk about something," Fae sighs, "And you're not going to like it,"

"Fae?" You push, gripping your side hard.

"There's a law in the wixing world that states that wixes can't profit from their crimes," Fae explains, "After our parents' murder, everything bypassed Amycus, Alecto and I. The inheritance, the house, it was all passed to-"

"Don't say it," You whisper, feeling the colour drain from your face.

"-you," Fae finishes.

The image surfaces unbidden from your mind, the house, big, dark, dusty, empty. The screams, the yelling that'll haunt your mind and further, further still, that room. The memory of being, trapped inside, screaming, begging for someone to rescue you. But no one ever came.

"NO!" You yell, scream, your whole body shaking. You jump to your feet so quickly that you knock over the chair. Fae tries to reach out to you but he can't, all you can see is Carrow. Carrow. Carrow. Run. Run. Run.

"IS THIS WHY YOU CONTACTED ME? DO YOU ONLY WANT THE INHERITANCE? BECAUSE YOU CAN HAVE IT! I DON'T WANT A THING FROM-" You start to yell, but Fae cuts you off.

"NO! Would you listen to me? Amycus and Alecto want it, OK? And you can't let them. Please, whatever you do, don't sign it away and don't sign anything from now on," Fae begs, "Please if they get their hands on-"

"I DON'T CARE, FAE! I DON'T BELIEVE YOU! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!" You yell back, "YOU'RE JUST LIKE THEM! YOU'RE A DEATH EATER, A CARROW, YOU'RE-"

"SHUT UP! I'M NOTHING LIKE THEM!" Fae yells, jumping to his feet.

"WHAT REASON DO I HAVE TO TRUST YOU? YOU CHOSE THEM OVER ME!" You yell back, "YOU'RE A MURDERER! YOU SET A CREATURE ON ME! BUT DON'T WORRY, BECAUSE I'M SURE OUR PARENTS-"

"GET OUT!" Fae screams. You flinch back, knowing that you've gone too far.

"Fae-" You start, but he cuts you off.

"I need some space. You don't trust me, fine, but I can't sit here right now and pretend like everything's OK. So. GET. OUT," Fae yells. You flinch back, turn around and yank open the door. You hesitate, look back, but one look at Fae slumped form tells you that he needs you to go just as much as you need to leave.

You pace the halls, tense, muscles twitching, whole body shaking. The house. Your house - no. The house. Your brother, Amycus, Alecto. Fae. Fae, trustworthy? Fae. Fae. Fae-

"Hey, are you OK?" A voice calls out from behind. Imagine telling her everything, telling her who you are, how you've hurt about the memory that's stuck inside your head and won't get out. Won't shut up. Here now. Here. Won't shut up. Won't shut up. Won't-

A hand lands on your arm, you flinch back, Ginny's face fills with worry.

"Hey, talk to me," Ginny begs, voice soft like she's trying to soothe a cat.

And You can't. You can't talk, can't think, can't say a word. You sink to the ground, pulling your knees to your chest and closing your eyes. Your eyes are too tight like someone's squeezing them like lemons.

Ginny slides to the ground beside you, pulling a leg to her chest and resting her head against it. She looks at you, patient, caring, willing, but you cAn'T tAlk. CAn't ThiNK. CAn't.

You own that house. That PriSon. That heLL, that EternAl hell. The place where your siblings became murders, the place where you lost him. You saw it in your nightmares every night for months, and months and months.

"Hey, you can tell me anything, you know that, right?" Ginny asks, she keeps her hands away from you, and you're thankful because you don't think you could handle anyone touching your right now.

YoU cAn't bReaThe, you feel like if you started talking you'd never stop, but Ginny's still here, patient, OK, ready, waiting.

"Sorry, I just... I'm thinking about my brother. He- he wasn't around much when I was a kid. He showed up when I was six, and I got to spend three years with him, but we lost contact when my parents died," You breathe out, everything coming out too quickly. Ginny waits, patiently.

"He showed up again, five years later, he said he wanted to get to know me. I was so happy to have him back, helping me with homework, just hanging out. I was so happy, for two months, it was perfect," You whisper, voice filling with longing and pain that you can't stop from flowing out.

"But then my other siblings got involved. They were angry that I was living with-" muggles "-not them. They told me that unless I came with them, they'd disown me, but I couldn't. I loved my family. I only knew Fae, but I knew that they couldn't give me what I needed. So I stayed, and I never saw him again,"

"I'm so sorry," Ginny says, unable to help herself and putting her hand on top of yours. You don't push it away though, calm enough now that it doesn't trigger another wave of panic. You want to go on but you can't, can't muster the courage or find the words to explain it.

You close your eyes, tears finally breaking through, Ginny pulls you into her arms. You breathe her in, the smell of cinnamon and spice, you feel like your floating like she's your anchor and you can be there, locked in the clouds.

"I'm sorry," You breathe out, "I know I'm only supposed to be a bit of fun until Harry gets back,"

Ginny seems to turn to ice, she pushes you away, leaving you in the chill and you know you've messed up.

"You don't really-" Ginny pauses, really drinking in your face, "My God, you do,"

You turn away, feeling a burn of shame inside you.

"It's what everyone's been saying," You answer, staring at the floor.

"And you believed them!" Ginny asks, anger escaping, even though she's trying to pull it together.

"I'm sorry, I just... I don't see why you'd want me and not him, he's a hero, and I'm- I'm me," You finish lamely.

"Yeah, you are, but guess what, I like you! I want to be with you." Ginny says, taking your hand, "You understand me, you relate to me, you can accept me growing while a part of Harry will always see me as Ron's little sister. You try to protect me, but you still know when to stand back and take the lead and when I need to fight. You're honest with me about your past, and even if there are some things you're too scared to say you're getting there, you're trying,"

"I'm sorry," You apologise, closing your eyes.

"Please, don't apologise. It's OK, I just... I wish you'd told me this sooner. From now on, please don't listen to anyone else," Ginny begs, and you nod.

"Good, do you want to hear something I never told Harry?" Ginny asks.

"What?" You ask, and Ginny smiles a shy look appearing on her face.

"I love you,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience, I like this version much better - for anyone who's already read the other version I apologise that some parts may appear in the next two chapters differently (e.g. the letter). Thank you for reading, take care, have a good week.


	12. lll

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You force yourself to open up to Ginny more after you end up in the hospital wing,

Two seconds to rest, you told yourself firmly as you rested against the wall of the bell-towers stairs. You weren't doing well. Somewhere over the past week, you'd fallen ill, and despite your best efforts to hide it, you were struggling to handle it. 

A deep exhausted had settled into your bones; your breath came in desperate pants, your vision was a blur as things slowly slid in and out of focus, and your back felt like someone had set it on fire. You leant back against the stone wall, grateful for how cold it was since it alleviated some of the burning sensations in your back.

You closed your eyes, briefly, something you realised to be a definite mistake when you had to fight to re-open them again.

_ Another minute,  _ your body begged.

_ We have to move,  _ you told it firmly.

_ Thirty seconds?  _ It bargained.

_ Ten,  _ you offered instead.

A few moments later, you push yourself away from the wall, struggling but forcing yourself onwards. You have to stop twice more before you make it up the stairs. Someone else's in the room, and a feeling of dismay bubbles up in your chest.

"Hey," Ginny says, turning to face you, she smiles at you with such love and adoration, but you struggle to return her expression - you'd hoped you'd be able to rest once you got upstairs. A worried look crosses Ginny's face, and you know she thinks she's done something wrong.

"I love you," You tell her, genuinely. You try to force yourself to stand straight as you make your way over to her, but you feel like, at any second, you're going to pass out.

A frown appears on Ginny's face. She moves towards you, worriedly, "Are you feeling OK?"

"Yeah, of course," You lie, as a violent wave passes over you, feeling like you're seconds from collapse. A cold hand reaches out, touching your forehead, you try to flinch away, but it's too late.

"Babe, you're burning up," Ginny frowns, your back smacks against the wall. You lean against it, relying on it to try and control the pain.

"I'm fine," You lie, "Just need to sit down,"

"Babe?" Ginny asks as you slide to your ground, "Babe? Are you OK? Babe?"

"Fine," You sigh, your eyes slipping closed. Ginny slips down beside you, taking your hand.

"Babe, you are not fine. We need to get you to the hospital wing," Ginny says firmly.

"You have a meeting," You tell her, "It can wait,"

"You look like death," Ginny says firmly.

"This is too important," You tell her.

People start to file into the room, you struggle to get to your feet, but Ginny puts her hands on your shoulders, firmly keeping you where you are.

"Listen, you're not OK. Please, just let me take you to the hospital wing. Madame Pomfrey will fix you right up and then-" Ginny starts.

"You have a meeting," You say firmly, keeping your voice as quiet as you can not wanting alert the others to yourself, "Besides, I don't think it's important enough to see Madame Pomfrey,"

"Not important enough?" Ginny demands, "If you could see yourself right now, you would not agree,"

"It's not that bad," You whisper.

"Babe, you can hardly walk!" Ginny hisses.

"Hey," Neville calls out, "What's going on?"

"Y/N's-" Ginny starts, but you cut her off, literally covering her mouth.

"Nothing," You tell him firmly. There's too much attention focused on the two of you, and the more Ginny delays, the more attention focuses on you. Ginny pulls back, a frown on her face.

"OK, let's cut a deal," Ginny suggests, "Choose anyone in this room, have them come over and evaluate if you being ill warrants a visit to the hospital wing," 

"Fine," You sigh before calling out to the person you trust most to tell Ginny to quit fussing, "Parvati, could you come over here for a second?"

Surprised, Parvati makes her way over to you.

"What's up?" Parvati asks.

"I need someone to tell Ginny to quit fussing just because I'm a little bit sick," You tell her, "She won't listen to me,"

"BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT A LITTLE SICK!" Ginny says, her frustration escaping her, "You can barely walk, you look like you're going to pass out, I don't trust that you're going to make it down those stairs OK if you go alone, your heads burning, I can feel the heat from you back from here. You're really, really, not OK," 

Parvati frowns, reaching out and resting her hand on your head, she lifts her hand to her head, comparingly. She frowns, reaching out to touch your back, but you push her hand away.

"Sorry, please don't touch my back," You request.

"OK, walk?" Parvati asks, brushing it aside quickly. You rely heavily on the wall to get up and fight to walk to the table and back, but when you turn around triumphantly, you realise that instead of convincing Parvati you're OK, you appear to have done the exact opposite.

"See what I mean?" Ginny asks.

"It's not life-threatening. It can wait," You protest.

"Just take her, honestly, she looks likes she's in pain, and I don't think she should wait," Parvati says firmly. You sigh as a small triumphant smirk crosses Ginny's face.

"Fine," You finally agree. You start to struggle towards the door, and that's the last thing you remember before you find yourself staring at bright lights in the hospital wing.

"Hey," Ginny says, sounding relieved as you slowly open your eyes.

"Hey," You whisper, "What... What happened?"

"As far as Madame Pomfrey knows, we were meeting up to make-out, and you collapsed, so I brought you here," Ginny answers, "In truth, you collapsed as we were leaving the bell-tower before a meeting,"

"Sorry, I made you leave your meeting," You apologise genuinely. Ginny pauses, looking at you with an expression of complete disbelief. You feel like you've suddenly done something wrong.

A cough comes from behind you, and you turn to see Madame Pomfrey.

"Sorry, but I need to talk to Miss Y/L/N on her own," Madame Pomfrey says, and Ginny steps away from your bed.

"That's fine. I'll wait outside," Ginny says firmly.

You watch her leave, feeling tense.

"I'm disappointed in you, Miss Y/L/N," Madame Pomfrey says, with a frown, "Your girlfriend mentioned you held off coming to the Hospital Wing. You can't push yourself this hard without breaking. How long have you been feeling ill?"

"Three days," You answer, feeling ashamed.

"And when did you notice the heat in your scars?" Madame Pomfrey asks.

"Five days," You sigh.

"I thought so. Your scars got infected. If you had come to me sooner, it wouldn't be such a problem, but you waited, and now I have to assign you four days of bed-rest and a much worse potion. Didn't your doctor explain to you the dangers of cursed scars at the time?" Madame Pomfrey asks,

"I never saw a doctor about my scars," You say with a soft sigh, "I didn't know this stuff was possible,"

Madame Pomfrey looks dumbfounded for a second, and then something clicks in her head. She looks at you pityingly, but you don't want to see it. You hear her moving around beside you after a few seconds, readying something and then she hands it over, a noxious looking potion, brown and lumpy. Taking a deep breath, you gulp it down quickly, knowing that it's going to taste horrible either way.

"So, is she going to make it?" Ginny asks as Madame Pomfrey goes to tell her she can enter.

"She'll live," Madame Pomfrey tells her, and there's a visible look of genuine relief on Ginny's face. A wave of guilt wraps itself around you as you realise that you really had her worried. She quickly makes her way over to you, taking a seat on your bed.

“How are you feeling?” Ginny asks, taking your hand in hers.

“I’m fine,” You lie, the truth is that now you’re thinking about it, you can feel the burn in your scars making you wish you could plunge into a freezing bath just to alleviate some of the burning feelings.

“And how are you really?” Ginny asks, insistently, a frown on her face.

“You don’t need to worry,” You tell her, “I’m sorry that I worried you, and interrupted the meeting but-”

“Are you really going to sit there and pretend like I don’t need to worry?” Ginny asks.

“You don’t-” You start but Ginny cuts you off.

“Don’t I? Look, I get that whatever caused these scars scares you and you don’t want me to know what happened but you lied repeatedly about being OK when you weren’t,” Ginny says, and you know she’s making an effort to use a soft voice but you hear the rise and fall in her voice as she fights to control her emotion, “I don’t care about that meeting, I care about you. You aren’t well, you have an infection, and I want to help you, please, just let me,"

You don’t say anything, feeling a dull thud inside your chest.

“I’m sorry,” You sigh, closing your eyes, unable to look at her, “I… They… I have a lot of bad memories tied to my scars. I struggle with people seeing them, knowing about them, I want to hide them away, pretend like everything’s completely normal even when it’s not,”

“I know, but nothing’s normal. I have six brothers, is that normal? Neville lives with his grandma, is that normal? Luna’s raised by a single dad, is that normal?” Ginny asks, “No one's normal is the same as anyone else's normal,”

Somehow, it makes you feel a little better.

“My back… it probably looks disgusting…” You trail off.

“I don’t care what your back looks like,” Ginny promises you, “Nothing about your body is going to make me love you any less or see you any differently,”

You struggle for a moment, and then you sigh.

“My back’s burning,” You tell her.

“I know, Madame Pomfrey told me it would be,” Ginny tells you.

“Is there something you can do?” You ask, and Ginny nods.

“Just give me a second,” She says, pressing a kiss to your forehead. She pulls the curtain around you and steps behind it, reappearing a few moments later with a wooden bowl.

“Trust me,” You tell her, “It’s a mess, there’s a lot, it looks really bad,”

“It’s going to be OK,” Ginny promises.

Swallowing slightly, you move your gown, exposing your back. You still take a few moments before you finally turn around, letting Ginny see the mesh of scars on your back. You wait for the gasp, the merlin, the good god, but you don’t hear anything.

“OK, I’m going to touch you now,” Ginny warns, you nod your head numbly. A second later, you feel something, a soft sponge pressed against your back, whatever’s on it’s cold and numbs the pain, and you let out a small gasp of relief.

“That feels so much better,” You sigh, and Ginny leans forward, resting her head on your shoulder. There’s nothing that needs to be said, you just feel a flutter of butterflies in your stomach from the silent I love you.

Ginny pulls back after a few seconds, continuing to numb the painful burn of the scars. She’s silent for a while, but then she keeps talking.

“Why did you apologise?” Ginny asks.

“I… When…” You sigh, it’s hard to talk about your parents. Taking a deep breath, you summon what you can, “When I used to get ill as a kid, my parents were always annoyed at me for it,”

“Why?” Ginny asks, confused.

“They’d say it was my fault, that this weakness was disgusting in a pureblood, or when I needed bed-rest they’d force me to stay up claiming I had other priorities like education or… something,” You tell her, quietly, “If - If they caught me sleeping, they… I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Is that OK?”

Ginny’s startled by your abrupt request to be silent, “OK, thank you for being honest with me. I’m sorry they made you feel like that, sickness is normal, especially with children, and it’s not your fault it’s just a part of life. It doesn’t make you weak, it just is,”

“Yeah, I guess,” You sigh, “But I just… I can’t shake the feeling,”

“I know,” Ginny sighs, “I know,”

Madame Pomfrey forces Ginny to leave at night. Ginny looks like she might protest, but when you tell her that you’re really tired she finally agrees to leave. It’s not long after that you fall asleep.

TAP. TAP. TAP. You wake suddenly and abruptly, the noise sending a bolt of fear through you. You freeze in bed, hearing footsteps, they’re sharp, loud, the person entering the Hospital wing is either making no attempt at sneaking; marking them in a position of power, or sneaking very poorly.

You stare through half-lidded eyes, trying to feign sleep as you try to watch whoever it is. You squeeze your eyes shut, fists clenching under the covers as the person creeps closer and closer.

“I know you’re awake,” The person says, you let out a breath of relief when you realise it’s Fae, “You’re a terrible actor,”

“You’re a terrible sneak,” You retort, grumpily, the painful burn in your back’s picked up again.

“Yeah, yeah, what’s up grumpy?” Fae asks, his eyes scan around, landing on the brown bowl by your bed, it’s labelled with a time that you can have another dose, “Will this help?”

“Probably,” You sigh.

“Alright then, turn around,” Fae orders. Yep, bossy big brother through and through.

“Seriously?” You protest, “My back’s like super scarred, and gross right now,”

“Look, do you want me to put the potion on your back or not?” Fae asks.

“I… yes,” You sigh, the painful burning was extremely uncomfortable. With a sigh, you turn around, relieved when the sponge is pressed against your skin. Fae makes quick work of it, getting it over as quickly as he can and it’s not long before the pain is numbed, “Thanks,”

“No problem,” Fae agrees, letting you turn around until your back is hidden from view again.

So, uh, what are you doing here?” You ask, and Fae sighs.

“I was hoping you might let me try to earn your trust. I want to talk,” Fae says, you start to cut him off, but he stops you, pulling something from his pocket. A letter, “This belongs to you, Amycus had it in his office, I was hoping that you might take it as a token of good faith,”

You reach out, hand a little shaky as you take the white envelope. Your name was scrawled in the front in your dad's handwriting.

“Wait, why does he have-” You start but Fae cuts you off.

“You know why, he despises you,” Fae says, “I keep sneaking in and burning letters, or trying to get them before he does so he can’t exploit it, but I haven’t been able to get one back to you yet,”

“I hate him right back,” You mutter, but you still feel a stab of pain, not because you want Amycus to love you but because it does just suck to have family hate you.

Fae raises his hand, cutting you off and pulling something else from his pocket, a small vial.

“I know, but I’m not here to talk about him. Look, this is Veritaserum. You have questions, I have answers, maybe you don’t trust me, but this should help,” Fae promises.

“You’re willing to take Veritaserum to prove it?” You ask, and Fae nods.

“But-” You start, but he shakes his head.

“You don’t trust me, and you’re right. I do have secrets. Too many secrets. I haven’t lied to you, but I haven’t disclosed the full truth, so when your ready, let’s talk.” Fae says.

“Not tonight,” You say quietly, “I’m so tired,”

“OK, not tonight,” Fae agrees, “But soon, please,”

You nod your head in agreement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, if this isn't written/edited so well. I managed the first half, but it's currently, technically Sunday not Saturday and I figured that a chapter was better than no chapter. I'm sorry. Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it, I'm very tired so I'm going to get some sleep, let me know what you think, take care, have fun and stay safe.
> 
> Goodnight!
> 
> (/technically good morning)
> 
> (Also! Thank you to TotallyNotAVampire for leaving a kudos and everyone else who has. You're all amazing.)


	13. Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fae and you have a tough conversation.

"Got her stuff!" Leon declares, his arms full of your books.

"Great!" Sam says, just as you start to protest, she turns to you, offering her arm, "Here, lean on me,"

"Guys! I'm fine!" You protest. Since your release from the Hospital Wing, your friends had been treating you as though you were a fragile little doll who might break at any moment, despite your insistence that you were OK. To be fair to them, it was kind of your fault.

"And why should we believe you?" Sam asks, reaching out to press her hand to your forehead, "It's still warm,"

"Yeah, it is. It's warm. I'm not completely better, but I'm over the worst of it. You know Madame Pomfrey wouldn't have let me go if I wasn't well enough to walk around the castle. I appreciate the fact you care, but I'm OK now," You promise. Leon and Sam exchange looks before finally letting out identical sighs.

"OK, but if you start feeling ill again-" Sam starts.

"I won't," You insist, but the identical glares from your friends force you to back-track, "Fine, I'll let you know,"

"Immediately," Leon pushes.

"Immediately," You agree, and Leon finally hands you back your books, "Thank you,"

"I'm still watching you," Leon says, almost threateningly.

"OK," You sigh. Leon holds the door open for you and Sam. You pick up the pace a little, aware that the time until Potions starts is drawing dangerously close.

"So... We only have to get through this week, and it's the Christmas Holidays. Tell me, am I owling your present or...?" Leon asks, voice hopeful. You smile, feeling a wave of affection for him.

"You've both been invited to come home with me. If you want to, that is," You say, smiling slightly.

"Uh... Actually," Sam starts, sounding awkward, "I've been feeling a little homesick... I- Sorry-"

"No! No! Don't be. You don't have to explain," You reassure, "If you want to see your parents, that's fine,"

"I do want to see you two at some point over the Christmas break, though maybe you could visit me?" Sam asks.

"That sounds great," Leon says, smiling, "I'd probably best see my dad at least once. Is it OK if I have him apparate me home on the twenty-ninth and bring me back for New Year's Eve?"

"Of course, he can even come to celebrate with us if you want," You offer, not thinking about it. Leon grimaces, and you feel a flood of regret wash over you. There's no way that Leon's dad would ever willingly spend New Year's Eve with muggles, "Sorry,"

"It's OK," Leon reassures, "Who knows. Maybe I'll be able to talk him round,"

"Oh! I've just had an idea!" Sam says excitedly, "You can take Ginny instead!"

"Uh - um - uh-" You stutter.

"Mudblood. My office now!" A voice suddenly snaps from behind you, you wince, and Sam grabs you, pulling her close to her chest while Leon steps between you and the angry voice, protectively. Taking a deep breath, you gently push him to the side.

"Professor Carrow," You say quietly, bowing your head submissively. It isn't long after you reach the office that you both drop the facade.

"Your friends think I'm a real son of a bitch, huh?" Fae asks with a small smirk.

"I mean... they aren't wrong," You tease; he chuckles lightly.

"True. Still, at least that means you haven't said anything, so I'm safe," Fae says, although he still looks a little bit upset, "Anyway, how are you feeling?"

"A little tired, but OK," You answer honestly, Fae snorts.

"You just spent like... a week in bed," He points out.

"Four days!" You protest.

"Exactly, like a week," Fae snorts, before pulling out a vial and setting it between the two of you, "Are you too tired?"

"Fae... Do you really want to do this now?" You ask hesitantly, and Fae sighs.

"Look. I want you to know who I am, who I really am. I want to prove that I'm not a bad person, and you're going home soon - for Chrismas - if you don't come back then - look - I - I need you to know. Please," Fae begs.

"I'm coming back!" You insist.

"Why would you? Look, lots of kids aren't coming back. This school? It's turned into hell on earth for a lot of kids. Why would you want to be here when you could be safe? Even I would rather you were safe at home than here, and this is the first time I've been able to reconnect with you in years," Fae says, an underlying desire for you to leave in his voice.

It's tempting. To be safe. Secure, but then you think of all the people who are coming back. You're helping the DA, recruiting people who can force the Carrow's out of your school - and your work, it's not life-saving, but Padma told you that it draws more people to the cause than anything else they've tried. Plus, there's something about it, the great desire of every artist; for their work to impact people, to make them think, to linger. When will you ever get an opportunity like this again?

"I'm staying," You tell Fae firmly.

"I should've known you'd be too damn noble to leave," Fae sighs, "Fine, but be careful, for merlin's sake. Be careful,"

"I will," You promise. Fae smiles, then waves his hand over the vial.

"Are we doing this then?" Fae asks, "Because I don't want to wait much longer,"

"Fine," You agree, "But how do I know that's Veritiserum?"

"Good, we still have some Slytherin blood in you then," Fae says with a smile, "I thought you'd say that. So, why don't you take it with me? I have questions too?"

You look at him consideringly. It was dangerous, questions he could ask that could jeopardise the DA, but you want to trust him, and you want him to trust you.

With a small nod, you reach out, take the vial and swallow a small amount before pushing it to your brother, who downs the rest.

"Who do you want to go first?" Fae asks, and you can already feel the potion in your veins rushing to make the answer slip from your lips.

"You. We'll take it in turns," You stare.

"Very well, what do you want to know?" Fae asks, and the first question spills from your lips without you meaning it.

"Whose side are you really on? Mine or Amycus and Alecto's?" You ask.

"I am too afraid of death not to fight alongside death eaters. However, I will always do my absolute best to keep you safe. You're the only person who I truly count as family," Fae answers, honestly, "Do you hate me for that?"

"No. You're trapped, you're scared, and you have a right to be. I don't like it, but I don't hate you for what you feel you have to do," You answer honestly. Relief fills Fae's face until you ask your next question, "Is there something you want from the Carrow inheritance?"

"Y-Yes. I do. Amycus and Alecto want it, but it's dangerous, and I'd rather they never laid a hand on it," Fae answers. He sighs, "Are you ashamed of me?"

"Yes," Unbidden, the harsh truth slips from your lips, "Not the you across from me right now, but the public perception of who you are. A killer and a hater of muggle-borns. I don't use my last name because I don't want to be associated with our family,"

Fae sighs, "Understandable, but unfortunate,"

"How do you feel about me?" You ask, and Fae snorts, rolling his eyes.

"Of all the questions-" He starts but sighs, "I'm proud of you for being better than anyone else in the Carrow family could've been, and I'm proud of how talented, brave and kind you turned out. I'm also terrified of you because you know the true me. If anyone ever knew who I was, they'd kill me. And I'm terrified for you because you don't seem to care about just how much dangerous what you're doing is. Still, knowing you is worth it because I do love you,"

There's silence for a moment as Fae tries to sort out his thoughts.

"Why don't you want to invite Ginny to your home?" Fae asks.

"I do! I want her to come home. I'm not sure how my Dad or my Nan will react when they know I'm dating a girl. I mean - I don't want them to see me any differently. I want them to know that I love someone and that they're worth it," You explain, struggling.

"Wait, would they care? Isn't your dad a spade?" Fae asks, frowning as he tries - and fails - to find the right word.

"Ace," You correct, and Fae snaps his fingers in agreement.

"Yep! That!" Fae says, "Sorry,"

"I-I don't know. He might? I mean my whole life, he always talked about me and some boy. He wasn't pushy, but he was always curious. I don't know how he'll react when he knows," You explain; Fae frowns.

"I still don't see why," Fae says, "I mean... It was a shock when I first knew, but then it made sense. Remember when we went to that ball, and you ended up asking that girl - Kat? To marry you?"

You feel a blush on your face and try to force it away.

"Katie, merlin, who'd name a child Kat?" You ask.

"Hey! It's a great name!" Fae protests, "But see- I bet you ended up being as gay throughout your life as you were then. I mean - you went down on one knee!" Fae says, a fit of laughter escaping him.

You shake your head, pretending like you don't find it even a little bit funny, but after a second, you give in to the urge to laugh.

"She was so sweet about it," You say, shaking your head slightly.

"You work fast; you'd only known her for about... two hours?" Fae says, shoulders shaking, tears starting to roll down his face, "Honestly, I can't see your dad caring."

"Maybe I'll ask Ginny then," You say, feeling more relaxed.

"Good," Fae says, breaking out of the fit just long enough to agree before breaking into more laughter, "Down on one knee!"

You stand up, pushing his shoulder lightly before heading to the door.

"I love you too, you maniac," You tell him, smiling.

You find Ginny in the Library, meeting things under her breath as she stares at a piece of parchment. Feeling bold, you swing your leg over her until you're sitting facing her in the centre of her lap. She squeaks, uncharacteristically, a blush covering her face.

"H-hey," Ginny says, seeming nervous like she didn't expect you to be this close to her. Ah, the benefits of doing the unexpected.

"Hey," You say, pushing stray hair out of her face. Her eyes lock onto yours. You feel her breath shaking, her heart racing and a sense of pride that you were causing this filled you.

You lean forwards - unnecessarily, but loving the way her breaths seem to speed up - and whisper in her ear, "I have a proposition for you."

"Anything," Ginny agrees, unthinkingly.

"Really?" You ask, trailing your lips under her ear and feeling her shiver slightly before pulling you tighter to you.

"Anything," Ginny reiterates.

"Come home with me this Chrismas," You request.

Ginny sighs, disappointedly, before realising what you said.

"Uh, yeah, sounds great," Ginny agrees.

You pull back, locking her eyes with her.

"What's wrong?" You ask, and Ginny looks embarrassed.

"Sorry, it's just not exactly where I thought this was going," Ginny says, blushing furiously.

"Where did you think it was going?" You push. Ginny flushes bright red but then steels herself.

"Well... the girl I'm dating and hugely attracted to; straddles me, tells me she's got a proposition for me and well..." Ginny looks even more embarrassed, letting go of your waist.

"Oh," You realise, a blush forming, "I didn't realise you thought about me... like that,"

"I love you, and I like spending time with you. I don't want to rush this -but, uh, it's hard not to think about you in a - sexual way when you're straddling my lap and whispering about propositions in my ear," Ginny says, unable to meet your eyes, "Have you never?"

You can't answer, suddenly finding yourself flustered.

"Uh... I mean, a, uh, a few dreams," You answer, feeling a blush forming.

"Oh, really?" Ginny asks, a small smirk appearing as some of her confidences comes back, "What happens in these dreams?"

You can't answer, just tipping your head forwards and hiding in the relative safety of her shoulder, "Do you?"

"Yes," Ginny answers, seeming more comfortable. You blush as the details of your last dream embellish themselves in your brain. You hear a loud cough from behind you and dart your head up, locking Madame Prince's stern face.

"FORNICATION IS NOT PERMITTED IN THE LIBRARY!" Madame Prince barks, making Ginny jump until you're both tipping backwards, falling off the bench and onto the ground. Quickly, Ginny pushes herself to her feet, pulling you up with her before grabbing her work, squeaking an apology before, grabbing your hand and running like hell. Your laughter bounces off the stone walls, mortification turning to hilarity, but a thought etched it's way into your head, repeating itself over and over with a mixture of excitement and disbelief.

Ginny Weasley wants to have sex with me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: There's a chance I'll be extending my schedule slightly to updating on either a Saturday on a Sunday, just to take some of the pressure off - I hope this is OK.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!
> 
> Big thanks to; rainingfortuesday - for commenting (your kind words made things much easier for me, thank you).
> 
> Also thanks to everyone who has been so kind as to comment and leave kudos'. Truly, it means a lot to me. Thank you.
> 
> Have a great week, thank you.
> 
> Oh! And please let me know what you think!


	14. Coming Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for a break from the Carrows.

Someone grabs your arm, yanking you behind a stature - honestly, you're not even surprised anymore - since you joined the DA, people have been pulling you around like a Ragdoll. You kneel behind the statue, waiting for whichever Professor Carrow it was to walk past - although it was early morning, so not the prime time for the Carrow's to curse you for curfews.

"What are we doing?" You ask Lavender quietly. She doesn't answer, eyes locked on the space before her. Parvati does, however.

"Operation get those two idiots together," Parvati says, smirking slightly as Luna and Padma round the corner together, discussing something they find fascinating.

  
"-Emily would have been a better partner for him!" Luna insists, "I don't understand what Reddington was thinking,"

"Of course, but you're missing an entirely different perspective," Padma says with a smile, "Damon could've been with Joseph,"

"Oh!" Luna says, pausing for a moment, "That's a perfect fit,"

Padma grins, bowing slightly before moving to take another step only for Luna to pull her to the side.

  
"What the hell?" You hear Parvati mutter under her breath.

"Luna?" Padma asks breathlessly.

"Sorry," Luna says, apologetically, stepping back and blushing, "Mistletoe's infested with Nargles. I don't understand why people insist on bringing it into the castle,"

"Because they want to kiss?" Padma offers a hint of a sigh in her voice.

"If they want to kiss, why not just do it?" Luna asks, "And if they think the other person might not want to kiss them back, they shouldn't try to catch them under the mistletoe,"

"I guess you're right," Padma sighs.

"NO!" Parvati yells, "KISS ALREADY, MERLIN!"

"Vati... I should've known you'd be behind this. Look, I won't kiss someone who doesn't want to kiss me. Can you drop it already?" Padma sighs.

"Oh... But I do want to kiss you. I didn't think you want to kiss me," Luna says, surprised, "I thought - I thought we were... I mean - I thought you just wanted to be friends,"

Padma starts to stammer, stutter as a triumphant smirk spreads across Parvati and Lavender's faces.

"We'll give you two some privacy," Lavender says, taking you and Parvati by the arm and dragging you down a passage that comes out near the entrance hall.

Lavender smiles at Parvati leans in and whispers something in her ear that leaves her blushing.

"We're going to go, have a good Christmas," Parvati says, her face flushed as she grabs Lavenders hand and starts dragging her off somewhere. You don't want to know or have to question what those two are doing.

  
The entrance hall door bursts open as Lavender and Parvati disappear, and you turn around. Hagrid's running into the building, someone's in his arms, large but bloody. A gash on their back, Ginny's running by Hagrid's side, and you don't even have to think to race after them.

"What happened?" You ask, terrified.

"Last night, me, Luna and Neville tried to get the Sword Of Gryffindor. We managed to hide Luna and keep her away from Snape, but we got given detention, sent into the forest. Phaethon Carrow - that creature he set on you, he was with it. It attacked Neville, something's wrong, I don't -" Ginny says, her breathe shaking, "There was nothing I could do,"

A feeling of dread fills you. Just when you thought you knew you could trust Fae, you find out this.

"Hey, hey, Neville will be OK," You promise, "He's going to the infirmary, he'll be OK, Madame Pomfrey can fix almost anything,"

"I know - it's - dammit!" Ginny groans, punching the wall, "This isn't right. It isn't Hogwarts! Neville shouldn't be getting hurt!"

"I know," You sigh. The rage at what the Carrow's are doing has hit everyone at one point. Everyone knows how to handle it by now.

"FUCK!" Ginny yells.

"Do you want to go to the 'practice' room?" You ask - some Hufflepuff's and Ravenclaw's had got together at some point and set up six or seven dummies in an abandoned classroom to try and give people a way to get rid of their anger. There were also rooms for art and colouring as a way to express yourself - some designs you'd contributed yourself.

"I should stay with Neville," Ginny says; you're outside the hospital wing now, helplessly watching as Hagrid carries Neville over to Pomfrey. She looks pale but manages to help Hagrid lay him down and starts to heal his back.

"OK," You say, "Do you want me to stay?"

Ginny nods, looking close to tears. She grips your hand tightly - tight enough that it hurts a little - but you don't say a word.

  
There's a feeling of relief evident on many students faces as they file onto the Hogwarts Express. Sam, Leon and you all file into a compartment; Leon pulls cards from his pocket, shuffling them as Sam pulls out the third Lord of The Rings book, and you grab your sketch-pad. Honestly, you don't see how Sam can read the Lord of The Rings -they're so long, at least a thousand pages each full of old words that don't quite make sense anymore - but the films are good.

You wonder if Ginny will join you, but when the train starts to pick up speed, you resign yourself to the fact that she probably won't. You run your pencil over the page, almost absent-mindedly, as you try to think of what to draw. An image suddenly locks itself into your brain, leaving your throat dry. You try to force it from your mind, but it's stuck there, and you know the only way to get it out of your head is to draw it. You switch to charcoal, feeling your face growing hot.

Your carriage door opens a few moments later; Ginny steps in, followed by Luna. They both hesitate for a moment, but when Leon smiles at them, showing that they're welcome, they come to take a seat. Leon casts an extension charm to make sure everyone can sit, but Ginny still sits close to you, her body brushing up against yours.

You swallow hard, turning around so that your back's against the window, and no-one can see your sketch-pad.

  
You start losing track of the conversations in the carriage as you're drawing; Ginny and Luna are the first to break the semi-awkward silence, quickly followed by Leon and Sam eventually joins in. You're barely aware of the few stray glances that go your way, you raise your head a few times to offer a smile, but Sam and Leon are already pretty used to how you can disappear inside your head when you're drawing something.

Finally satisfied, you set your charcoal down and try to tune in to their conversations.

"Hey, can we see it now?" Leon asks.

"Uh... No," You tell him, blushing.

"But... don't you need me to charm to stop it from smudging?" Leon asks, confused; you've always shown him your art. It's just kind of a thing you trust him with, and he's never let you down before.

"Uh... I - I guess," You agree, still feeling flustered. Leon frowns, reaching out to take your book, but you pull back, not letting him.

"Um..." He starts before just pausing and tilting his head.

"I - I don't want you to see it," You say, embarrassed; Ginny tilts her head, her eyes straying to the picture before going wide.

"Oh..." Ginny says, sounding surprised.

"Sorry," You apologise, feeling awkward.

"No... I uh - I don't mind," Ginny says, sounding a little out of breath; she shifts slightly, moving to take in the picture a little more, "But uh... I agree, don't show Leon,"

"Wait! Did you draw something-" Leon starts.

"Yes, probably, our little girl is growing up. She'll be sixteen tomorrow," Sam says, giggling a little, "Here, I'll cover his eyes while he casts,"

You blush slightly but nod your head, and Leon's eyes are quickly covered, but he manages to cast the spell before you close the cover and hide it in your trunk.

There's a considerable number of giggles in the carriage after that, Leon deals everyone a hand of cards, and you end up playing cards until the train's pulled into the station. By that time, it's already dark.

  
Luna's the first to find her dad, the dirty-blonde running at a man with platinum-blonde hair. He hugs her tightly, spinning her around before she turns to wave goodbye, and he apparates her away.

You start to move along the platform, searching for Sam's mum. You spot Lavender and Parvati emerging from under an arch, Lavender runs her thumb across her lips, and Parvati smirks. Ginny chuckles lightly under her breath.

"In public, too," Ginny says, shaking her head slightly.

  
You find Sam's mum soon after - she smiles when she first lays her eyes on you all, but her expression soon falters, and a grim look fills her eyes. She reaches out, pulling Sam into her arms, looking like she might cry. You turn to look at Ginny, a look of confusion on your face that's mirrored by her own.

"I'm so glad you're here," Sam's mum whispers, clinging to her. Eventually, Sam convinces her to let her go, and she begrudgingly steps back. Her eyes fall to you and Leon hesitantly hugging you both - she's acting weird, and none of you quite understand until she's apparated Sam away and your eyes lock onto the smooth skin of a mother as she greets her scarred daughter.

Everywhere you look, there are scars left by the Carrow's that show on students skin - no wonder parents seem so torn up. You're used to the scarred skin of your classmates, but here it's different. You turn your head, trying to compare Leon from the start of term to now, and then you see it - as if for the first time the thin white scar running between his eyebrows. You examine Ginny next; she has a scar on her cheek from your burning spell, another above it - you think caused by Phaethon, one across her lip, another on her arm.

"Oh," Ginny finally says, her voice cracking as the realisation hits her - and she's probably the most obviously scarred in the station. You hear Leon shuffling about awkwardly before he nods to himself.

"I'll, uh, I'll give you some space," Leon says before walking off somewhere.

"There's no-" Ginny starts but sighs when she realises it's too late, "Need,"

"You OK?" You ask. You spot someone's mother staring at Ginny's face, and you glare at her until she remembers herself and looks away.

"Tell me honestly, how bad is it?" Ginny asks, struggling to meet your gaze as she stares at the stations ceiling.

"You're still the most beautiful-" You start, but Ginny cuts you off.

"Please, don't," Ginny sighs, "Just tell me honestly, how bad it is,"

"It's most obvious on your right cheek, but it will fade, and I can get my dad to get some gel that should help shrink it a little if you want," You tell her honestly, "You don't look like you used to, but you're still you, and you're still beautiful. I love you,"

"Yeah, beautiful, except for these scars," Ginny says, laughing low in her throat, but it's not her laugh, not a real laugh, a mockery of a laugh that makes your stomach sink, "But it's whatever. Come on, let's go find your dad,"

You sigh quietly, you want to make her feel better, but you don't know how to. Ginny shoves her hands in her jeans pockets and heads off to find Leon and your Dad. You get it, the scars on your back - there's nothing that people say that makes you think, oh, they're great, it's OK, it's all good. Your only real solace with them is that you can hide them most of the time and avoid the questions, people asking how and why and what.

  
It isn't long after that you find your family. There's a mixture of dismay and relief on their face when they see you - you try to ignore it as you greet them both with a hug before stepping back so they can hug Leon.

"Sam's changed a lot," Your Nan notes, looking at Ginny with an amused look on her face as if already planning mischief.

"Hi," Ginny says, smiling slightly nervously and extending her hand, "I'm Ginny,"

"It's good to meet you, but in this family, we hug," Your Nan says, moving in to wrap Ginny in her arms before stepping back to let her son do the same.

"So you made a new friend?" Your dad asks, ecstatic, "Glad you finally came out of your shell, no offence Leon,"

"None taken," Leon assures, but you're still tense, knowing it's time.

"Actually, this is my - my girlfriend," You clarify, and Ginny takes your hand, "We're dating,"

"Shit," Your dad says, and you feel your heart plummet.

"Shit?" You hesitate, feeling sick.

"Sorry, not shit she's a girl, but shit because... well... you've grown up," Your dad sighs, "You're dating people now - I just - I wasn't expecting it,"

"Oh," You say, relieved.

"You chose well - she's cute," You Nan says, and you see the slight tension in Ginny's shoulders like she doesn't believe she's still beautiful when she is. She's dazzling, quite frankly.

"Agreed," You say, "She's also very; brave, intelligent and kind,"

Ginny smiles slightly at the last half, and you feel a sort of hope bubble in your chest.

"Well, my grandaughter's certainly quite smitten with you, hmm," Your Nan says, "Don't break her heart, OK?"

"Nan!" You protest.

"Don't worry, I have no intention of ever doing so," Ginny says, smiling slightly, holding your hand tighter and turning to look at you. A warm feeling starts in your chest, and you can't look at her, blushing as your Nan makes an awwwww sound.

  
"I'm going to go grab the car," Your dad says, after a few moments, "Stay with the kids,"

"Yes, yes," You Nan agrees, a twinkle in her eyes. Your dad gulps slightly, realising that this was probably a bad idea - but it's already too late.

  
"OK, I think I know what I want our next prank to be," Your Nan says, smiling and pulling something out of her pocket, "Do you think you can make it happen?"

You take the picture, showing a stick figure of your dad and the scene she wants to create, thinking about the many little details needed before a wicked smile crosses your face.

"Absolutely," You agree, and your Nan cackles like the glorious madwoman she is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think and thank you for reading.
> 
> Thank you to rainingfortuesday for commenting, and thank you to;  
> loki017, CataSitges and maybe_lorem for leaving a kudos.
> 
> Thank you for everything, I hope you're all enjoying this, have a good week and I'll see you next weekend!


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